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You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit? v.4

You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit? v. 4
I like to travel and in my opinion, this enhances my experiences and broaden my horizon. I think travelling is a great opportunity to meet new people, gain more knowledge and experience, and learn new customs and traditions. I did not travel a lot yet, but I am sure I will have a chance to do it. So, if I had the opportunity to visit a foreign country I would visit Egypt. I think it is a great and very interesting country with a marvellous history. In the following paragraphs, I will give some reasons to support my choice. First of all, I have always dreamed visiting different Egyptian pyramids. My aunt visited Egypt a few years ago. She was very excited after that trip and said that she would return there one more time at any cost. She said that Egypt had impressed her very much with its glorious pyramids and ancient buildings. Second of all, I think that in that country one can touch history, feel the hard breath of workers building a pyramid under the parching sun, and see the chain of camels walking in the desert with the huge trunks full of presents for Cleopatra on their humps. Finally, I want to see a real dessert and ride the camel. All my friends who rode the camel say that it is an unforgettable experience. I believe that I will have a chance to visit this beautiful country someday. Unfortunately, now I have plenty of plans and things to do, so, I am afraid that I will not be able to travel for the next two years. I want to finish my education and then find a job, and these things have higher priority than travelling. My husband wants to visit this country too and we made an agreement to make our trip to Egypt in our five years anniversary which is in two years. In conclusion, I want to add that after my trip to Egypt I will definitely visit Australia. This country is the second one on my list the most wanted to see.
I like to travel and in my opinion, this enhances my experiences and broaden my horizon. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
travelling is a great opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, gain more knowledge and experience, and learn new customs and traditions.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
did not travel a lot
yet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am sure I will have a chance to do it.
“So , if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So, if
I had the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
I would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
Egypt. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a great and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with a
Possible spelling mistake. 'marvellous' is British English.
marvellous
history. In the following paragraphs, I will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to support my choice.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I have always dreamed visiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Egyptian pyramids. My aunt visited Egypt a few years ago. She was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
excited after that trip and said that she would return there one more time at any cost. She said that Egypt had impressed her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much with its glorious pyramids and ancient buildings. Second of all, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
one can touch history, feel the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
breath of workers building a pyramid under the parching sun, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the chain of camels walking in the desert with the huge trunks full of presents for Cleopatra on their humps.
Finally
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a real
Possibly confused word: Did you mean "desert" (= a barren area of landscape with little precipitation) instead of 'dessert' (= a confectionery course that concludes a main meal)?
dessert
and ride the camel. All my friends who rode the camel say that it is an unforgettable experience.

I believe that I will have a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
someday. Unfortunately,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of plans and things to do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I am afraid that I will not be able to travel for the
next
two years. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to finish my education and then find a job, and these things have higher priority than travelling. My husband
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
too and
we made an agreement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our trip to Egypt in our five years anniversary which is in two years.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
that after my trip to Egypt I will definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
Australia. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is the second one on my list the most wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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