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The chart below gives information about Southeland's main exports in 2005, now, and future projections for 2025. v.1

The chart below gives information about Southeland's main exports in 2005, now, and future projections for 2025. v. 1
In the modern era, there are too many inventions that helped our mankind. One among such is the latest developments in light emitting devices. Recently incandescent bulbs are being replaced by the device know as LED (Light Emitting Diode). The discussion here proves how this technological advancement is helping to increase the energy efficiency. Firstly, this invention is not very new from a technological perspective. A smaller version of these devices has been in use since the beginning of 1980s, with less brightness and at limited use case scenarios. Later it was undergone to various researches and developments. For example, LED based torches were available since the beginning of 2000s. Further developments helped to spread it out to various sectors. Now a days incandescent lamps are being replaced at a faster pace in our home lighting, and also in industrial locations. Furthermore, these LED devices are energy efficient, so that a significant reduction in the requirement of electricity for the home or industrial purpose. For instance, in earlier days an incandescent lamp needed 100 wattage to brighten a room significantly, on the other hand an LED lamp of 9 wattage could do the same. It shows that this modern invention significantly reduces the electricity requirement. In conclusion, I think the modern world has an edge over the yesteryear technologies in effect reduced the power requirement, this certainly benefiting our society. As a result, incandescent lamps are replaced with Light Emitting Diode based light-sources which are much more energy efficient, in essence reduces the power usage. It has been proved that this invention is a milestone in human era, and so that the governments should adopt it and promote for an increased growth in technology.
In the modern era, there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
inventions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
our mankind. One among such is the latest developments in light emitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
. Recently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incandescent
bulbs are
being replaced
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
know as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LED
(Light Emitting Diode). The discussion here proves how this technological advancement is helping to increase the energy efficiency.

Firstly
, this invention is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
new from a technological perspective. A smaller version of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
has been in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
since the beginning of 1980s, with less brightness and at limited
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
case scenarios. Later it was undergone to various researches and developments.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LED
based torches were available since the beginning of 2000s.
Further
developments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to spread it out to various sectors.
Did you mean "nowadays"?
Now a days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incandescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lamps
are
being replaced
at a faster pace in our home lighting, and
also
in industrial locations.

Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LED
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
are energy efficient,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that a significant reduction in the requirement of electricity for the home or industrial purpose.
For instance
, in earlier days an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incandescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lamp
needed 100 wattage to brighten a room
significantly
,
on the other hand
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LED
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lamp
of 9 wattage could do the same. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that this modern invention
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the electricity requirement.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the modern world has an edge over the yesteryear technologies in effect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the power requirement, this
certainly
benefiting our society.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incandescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lamps
are replaced
with Light Emitting Diode based light-sources which are much more energy efficient, in essence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the power usage. It has
been proved
that this invention is a milestone in human era, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should adopt it and promote for an increased growth in technology.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay The chart below gives information about Southeland's main exports in 2005, now, and future projections for 2025. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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