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The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v.1

The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v. 1
In today's world, it can be irrefutable that the job market is becoming more competitive day by day. The theoretical and technical skills are not enough to work in a good company. Some companies are focused on social behaviour and management skills during a recruitment interview for a specific post. The essay will elucidate the reasons to change the selection criteria. To begin with, nowadays a lot of importance has given to social skills while selection of an employee for an individual position. Firstly, Most of the multinational companies are always concerned about how to reach on higher position from other companies. Thus, they emphasize that a person should have a teamwork-skill which would be beneficial to raise the growth of an organization. For example, a recent survey by the UK showed that 90% of the management courses offered by the Universities which involved group activities to sharp this talent. Secondly, due to the high competition in a job market and people have to do work under a pressure. Therefore, a company requires that worker who can easily handle the workload. Take for instance, people should do some daily activities for relaxation such as an exercise, smile and laugh, sharing information with friends and more. Furthermore, The competition in industries has increased at an exponential pace, so to win the competition a good worker should have a perfection of language. The communication and body language play a vital role to gain the attention of a customer. For example, a salesman has an impressive communication and expression skills can easily sell the product by attracting consumers. The Last but not least, the other social skill is interpersonal skill also be present to work in a team. A good teammate is sharing and joining activities as well they can quickly complete their tasks. To conclude, the growth of an industry depends on the employee's skill and interesting personality. So that, every recruiting agency should concentrate on social skills like teamwork, stress management and more for the enhancement of a business.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, it can be irrefutable that the job market is becoming more competitive day by day. The theoretical and technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to work in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are focused
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
during a recruitment interview for a specific post. The essay will elucidate the reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the selection criteria.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
importance has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
while selection of an employee for an individual position.
Firstly
, Most of the multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are always concerned about how to reach on higher position from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
Thus
, they emphasize that a person should have a teamwork-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which would be beneficial to raise the growth of an organization.
For example
, a recent survey by the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 90% of the management courses offered by the Universities which involved group activities to sharp this talent.
Secondly
, due to the high competition in a job market and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do work under a pressure.
Therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
requires that worker who can
easily
handle the workload. Take
for instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
daily activities for relaxation such as an exercise, smile and laugh, sharing information with friends and more.

Furthermore
, The competition in industries has increased at an exponential pace,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
to win the competition a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
worker should have a perfection of language. The communication and body language play a vital role to gain the attention of a customer.
For example
, a salesman has an impressive communication and expression
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
easily
sell the product by attracting consumers. The Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
also
be present to work in a team. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teammate is sharing and joining activities
as well
they can
quickly
complete their tasks.

To conclude
, the growth of an industry depends on the employee's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and interesting personality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, every recruiting agency should concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like teamwork,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
management and more for the enhancement of a business.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay The two people talk about the man's problem. Describe the problem and state which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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