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You have just received a letter from an overseas university saying that your IELTS bandscore of 6 is too low for admission to any of its Master’s Courses ( you need 6. 5)Write a letter to the admissions officer. In your letter Introduce yourself.  v.1

You have just received a letter from an overseas university saying that your IELTS bandscore of 6 is too low for admission to any of its Master’s Courses ( you need 6. 5)Write a letter to the admissions officer. In your letter Introduce yourself.  v. 1
Studying technique symbolises dedication, efforts and huge money in pockets. According to me, many students at university choose different subjects like arts, business management, literature and so on, which are easy and essential to their day-to-day activities. Today, many students start their career at an early stage, that means more than 60 percent of the university students work while they learn. This is the main reason people opt for simple subject at university and skip the option to indulge in the study of science and medicine. For instance, the odd jobs in cafe's, supermarkets, burger shops, food courts and so on are carried by the younger generations to fulfil their requirements. Furthermore, these champion groups are highly talented and smart, as they drive their life decisions and pay college fees. Hence, choosing skill will cost them almost double the fees what they are paying for the alternate subjects. All developed nations, have huge demand for people studying science. These are backfilled by the migrants on a student visa, but even then there are very few populated, who is willing to choose science as their subject at university. There is obviously a major effect for the future generations, which result in high demands for doctors, whereas, others with different subjects will be facing challenges in the job market, as there will be more selection options for the employers. For instance, A job description has a requirement for an experienced analyst, but there are 30 people with similar kind of experience. This will make things tricky for the interviewer and the person gave an interview, will be in stressed. Therefore, studying discipline is not for the vulnerable person, who is a medic in the society. It's basically a devoted subject, but everyone in our society has dissimilar needs to satisfy for their family and themselves.
Studying technique
Possible spelling mistake. 'symbolises' is British English.
symbolises
dedication, efforts and huge money in pockets.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like arts, business management, literature and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which are easy and essential to their day-to-day activities.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career at an early stage, that means more than 60 percent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
work while they learn. This is the main reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opt for simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and skip the option to indulge in the study of science and medicine.
For instance
, the odd jobs in
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
's, supermarkets, burger shops, food courts and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
are carried
by the younger generations to fulfil their requirements.
Furthermore
, these champion groups are
highly
talented and smart, as they drive their life decisions and pay college fees.
Hence
, choosing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
will cost them almost double the fees what they are paying for the alternate subjects.

All developed nations, have huge demand for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
studying science. These are
Possible spelling mistake found.
backfilled
by the migrants on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
visa,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
even then there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few populated, who is willing to choose science as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. There is
obviously
a major effect for the future generations, which result in high demands for doctors, whereas, others with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will be facing challenges in the job market, as there will be more selection options for the employers.
For instance
, A job description has a requirement for an experienced analyst,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are 30
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with similar kind of experience. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things tricky for the interviewer and the person gave an interview, will be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.

Therefore
, studying discipline is not for the vulnerable person, who is a medic in the society. It's
basically
a devoted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everyone in our society has dissimilar needs to satisfy for their family and themselves.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You have just received a letter from an overseas university saying that your IELTS bandscore of 6 is too low for admission to any of its Master’s Courses ( you need 6. 5)Write a letter to the admissions officer. In your letter Introduce yourself.  v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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