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Fresh water resources diminish in large cities in the world each year What are the causes of this crucial problem What are the solutions v.1

Fresh water resources diminish in large cities in the world each year What are the causes of this crucial problem What are the solutions v. 1
People often debate what subjects should be taught at school. Some people argue that subjects like art, music, and drama should be made as compulsory as other academic subjects from the elementary level. I totally agree with the views as learning these practical subjects improves the intellectual skills of students and hones their skills for a bright future. To begin with, these three subjects help to develop children imagination and interest in learning. The children at an early age to enjoy learning through enjoyable and creative methods as they help with concentration in different ways. For instance, a study carried out by leading scientists in the USA in 2001 over a two year period, which experiment on school children, they proved that those children, who learning music at school they are more intelligent than others who not interested in music. Moreover, those who find it hard to learn different alphabets and numbers can easily overcome this weakness through rhymes played with sound. Thus, it is evident that non-academic subjects play a crucial role in developing the intellectual skills of students. Furthermore not everyone is capable of becoming a successful doctor, engineer, businessman or lawyer. Different students have different learning abilities. Some students lack interest in academic but have a great hold on extra-curricular subjects. To illustrate this, Honey Sing is very successful musician and composer in India, but he is not intelligent in academia. In conclusion, I firmly believe that subjects like music, art, and drama should be made compulsory in schools from the elementary level itself. These subjects will not only improve the intellectual skills of the students, but also give then an opportunity to polish their latent talents.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debate what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be taught
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like art,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, and drama should
be made
as compulsory as other academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
from the elementary level. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the views as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
these practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and hones their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for a bright future.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, these three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
imagination and interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at an early age to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
through enjoyable and creative methods as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with concentration in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ways.
For instance
, a study carried out by leading scientists in the USA in 2001 over a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "two-year"
two year
period, which experiment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they proved that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
they are more intelligent than others who not interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Moreover
, those who find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
alphabets and numbers can
easily
overcome this weakness through rhymes played with sound.
Thus
, it is evident that non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
play a crucial role in developing the intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of students.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
not everyone is capable of becoming a successful doctor, engineer, businessman or lawyer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
abilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
lack interest in academic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have a great hold on extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. To illustrate this, Honey Sing is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
successful musician and composer in India,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he is not intelligent in academia.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, art, and drama should
be made
compulsory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
from the elementary level itself. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
give then an opportunity to polish their latent talents.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Fresh water resources diminish in large cities in the world each year What are the causes of this crucial problem What are the solutions v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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