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You have just bought a Walkman from a shop at the airport but found a fault with it after reaching home Write to the shop for a solution v.1

You have just bought a Walkman from a shop at the airport but found a fault with it after reaching home Write to the shop for a solution v. 1
Nowadays, people have become materialistic they want to earn more bucks. Some people think that earning money is crucial than spending time with loved ones. However, Others opine that spending leisure time with family members is better than acquiring more chunks. According to me, the second statement holds much ground and I will discuss both the viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, people who think that earning more money and less span is good as compared to acquiring less wages. The first and foremost reason is that in these days people are not satisfied with their own life they just want to earn a lot of money. Moreover, in this modern era of competition people want to allocate more amount of chunks than their colleagues and relatives. The second reason is that many people want to live a luxurious life. Then, they want new model cars, electronic equipments and like to live in well- furnished houses so for that they are earning money. For instance, from a survey of 2009 in USA 37% of people had poor family relationships due to lack of time On the other hand, the individuals who are really like to spend time with their loved ones rather than earning more salary. Initially, they are proved to satisfy with their life and they can find happiness in little things and also they like to spend more times with the nears and dears. Moreover, they can feel better by sharing all the good and bad things which are happening to them in their daily life. Additionally, they can manage family and workplace in a better way if they have more time and also they have no stress of family as well as more earning. For example, scientists have proven that most of the people who are belongs to the middle-class families are the happiest people in the world. To conclude that although earning more money has led to a luxurious life. However, I believe that spending precious time with family members gives a lot of happiness in life instead of earning more salary
Nowadays,
people
have become materialistic they
want
to earn more bucks.
Some
people
think
that
earning
money
is
crucial
than spending
time
with
loved
ones.
However
, Others opine that spending leisure
time
with
family
members is better than acquiring more chunks.
According to me
, the second statement holds much ground and I will discuss both the viewpoints in the upcoming paragraphs.

On the one hand,
people
who
think
that
earning
more
money
and less span is
good
as compared to acquiring
less
wages. The
first
and foremost reason is that in these days
people
are not satisfied with their
own
life
they
just
want
to earn
a lot of
money
.
Moreover
, in this modern era of competition
people
want
to allocate more amount of chunks than their colleagues and relatives. The second reason is that
many
people
want
to
live
a luxurious
life
. Then, they
want
new model cars, electronic equipments and like to
live
in well- furnished
houses
so
for that they are
earning
money
.
For instance
, from a survey of 2009
in USA
37% of
people
had poor
family
relationships due to lack of
time


On the other hand
, the individuals who are
really
like to spend
time
with their
loved
ones
rather
than
earning
more salary.
Initially
, they
are proved
to satisfy with their
life and
they can find happiness in
little
things and
also
they like to spend more
times
with the nears and dears.
Moreover
, they can feel better by sharing all the
good
and
bad
things which are happening to them in their daily
life
.
Additionally
, they can manage
family
and workplace in a better way if they have more
time
and
also
they have no
stress
of
family
as well
as more
earning
.
For example
, scientists have proven that most of the
people
who are belongs to the middle-
class
families
are the happiest
people
in the world.

To conclude
that although
earning
more
money
has led to a luxurious
life
.
However
, I believe that spending precious
time
with
family
members gives
a lot of
happiness in
life
instead
of
earning
more salary
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You have just bought a Walkman from a shop at the airport but found a fault with it after reaching home Write to the shop for a solution v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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