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The gap between rich and poor is increasing. What problems does it cause? What solutions can you suggest? v.2

The gap between rich and poor is increasing. What problems does it cause? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2
Income inequality has become the focus of political debate and press attention over recent years. The reason is the disparities of income distribution between rich and poor are rising. The trend of rising income inequality causes a growth of unemployment rates as well as crime rates. In my opinion, however, the problem of income gap can be solved by reducing levels of corruption, and raising the minimum wage. Income gap creates a number of problems in society. One of these problems is the increase in crime rates, because poor people who are financially in trouble, easily commit crime in order to maintain their families. For instance, today, countries with a higher level of income inequality suffer from high levels of crime. In addition, unequal income distribution leads to the problems associated with unemployment. To illustrate, researches conducted in developing and underdeveloped countries found an association between high unemployment rates and high levels of income equality. Thus, the growing problems associated with both crime and unemployment can be considered as a result of the income gap. To address these problems, there are a handful of effective solutions. Firstly, countries with unequal countries in terms of income suffer from high levels of corruption. If policy makers desire to reduce income inequality, they should halt political corruption. For example, South Korea, where had the highest level of income equality in 2015, has achieved to minimise the corruption rates over a period of a decade, and today the country has a lower level of the income gap compared to the given year. Additionally, raising the minimum wages is the effective way to reduce the gap between rich and poor. For instance, after Turkey raise the minimum wage (2020 TL) in 2018, the level of the income gap decreased considerably despite the fact the average income of the richest 10% of the population is still about nine times that of the rest of the population in Turkey. Therefore, government should take into account to fight against the corruption, and raise the minimum wages. In conclusion, income inequality is a growing problem around the world. It comes with the growth of crime rates, and unemployment rates. However, the policy makers can address these social and economic problems by implementing rational laws related to political corruption and the minimum wages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inequality
has become the focus of political debate and press attention over recent years. The reason is the disparities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
distribution between rich and poor are rising. The trend of rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inequality
causes a growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
. In my opinion,
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
can
be solved
by reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
, and raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minimum
wage.

Income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
creates a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in society. One of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
financially
in trouble,
easily
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in order to maintain their families.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
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countries
with a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inequality
suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
In addition
, unequal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
distribution leads to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
. To illustrate, researches conducted in developing and underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
found an association between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
equality.
Thus
, the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
can
be considered
as a result
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
gap.

To address these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "handfuls", "handsful"?
handful
of effective solutions.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with unequal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
suffer from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
. If
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inequality
, they should halt political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
.
For example
, South Korea, where had the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
equality in 2015, has achieved to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
over a period of a decade, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has a lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
compared to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
year.
Additionally
, raising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minimum
wages is the effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between rich and poor.
For instance
, after Turkey raise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minimum
wage (2020 TL) in 2018, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
decreased
considerably
despite the fact the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of the richest 10% of the population is
still
about nine times that of the rest of the population in Turkey.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take into account to fight against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
, and raise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minimum
wages.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inequality
is a growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
around the world. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
.
However
, the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
can address these social and economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by implementing rational laws related to political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
minimum
wages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The gap between rich and poor is increasing. What problems does it cause? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
383 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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