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improvement10. You have decided to give several hours of your time each month to improve the community where you live. What is one thing you will do to improve your community? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v.1

improvement10. You have decided to give several hours of your time each month to improve the community where you live. What is one thing you will do to improve your community? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v. 1
Businessmen should take societal obligations along with profit-making. I would also put forth my support to both equally. At the outset, taking benefits out of their organisation is mandatory for any businessman. Firstly, it requires a huge amount of investments to set up an industry. For instance, a recently built cement plant has cost its investors hear about $100000 in my local areas. Secondly, operation and maintenance cost can put a toll on their pocket's. Take an example of electricity bills, rents, staff wages, for which it is imperative to making money from the factory. Lastly, huge taxes are imposed on the business industry that they are bound to pay. Therefore, given these reasons, moneymaking becomes an important target for any business person. On the other hand, besides financial success, it is also a responsibility of any business-owner to make efforts to the upliftment of society. As an established industry tends to use local resources of any particular area, so there is a need to do something in exchange for the betterment of that place. To cite another example from my own experience, a lot of employment opportunities are generated, especially for residents, by the establishment of an oil refinery by a foreign company. At the same time, on the recent environment day, they donated various books to local children. Moreover, several environmental problems could be stemmed from any industrial development. Imagine a new factory could lead to an increase in air, water and noise pollution which would impact society. Thus, it is their responsibility not only to use business practises that lead to less pollution, but also to donate money from their profit to plant the sapling, filter the water and many more. ITC, a papermaking company, is a good example, which donates 5% of the total_profits for society. In conclusion, while financial gains are considered as a sole purpose for any business, from my viewpoint, social upliftment needs to be under the responsibility of business persons.
Businessmen should take societal obligations along with profit-making. I would
also
put forth my support to both
equally
.

At the outset, taking benefits out of their
organisation
is mandatory for any businessman.
Firstly
, it requires a huge amount of investments to set up an industry.
For instance
, a recently built cement plant has cost its investors hear about $100000 in my local areas.
Secondly
, operation and maintenance cost can put a toll on their pocket's. Take an example of electricity bills, rents, staff wages, for which it is imperative to
making
money from the factory.
Lastly
, huge taxes
are imposed
on the
business
industry that they
are bound
to pay.
Therefore
,
given
these reasons, moneymaking becomes an
important
target for any
business
person.

On the other hand
,
besides
financial success, it is
also
a responsibility of any business-owner to
make
efforts to the
upliftment
of society. As an established industry tends to
use
local resources of any particular area,
so
there is a need to do something in exchange for the betterment of that place. To cite another example from my
own
experience,
a lot of
employment opportunities
are generated
,
especially
for residents, by the establishment of an oil refinery by a foreign
company
. At the same time, on the recent environment day, they donated various books to local children.
Moreover
, several environmental problems could
be stemmed
from any industrial development. Imagine a new factory could lead to an increase in air, water and noise pollution which would impact society.
Thus
, it is their responsibility not
only
to
use
business
practises
that lead to less pollution,
but
also
to donate money from their profit to plant the sapling, filter the water and
many
more. ITC, a papermaking
company
, is a
good
example, which donates 5% of the
total_profits
for society.

In conclusion
, while financial gains
are considered
as a sole purpose for any
business
, from my viewpoint, social
upliftment
needs to be under the responsibility of
business
persons.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay improvement10. You have decided to give several hours of your time each month to improve the community where you live. What is one thing you will do to improve your community? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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