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Some people say that the best preparation for life is learning to be cooperative. Do others take the opposite view and say that learning to be competitive is the best preparation. Tell which one you agree with and explain why. v.1

Some people say that the best preparation for life is learning to be cooperative. Do others take the opposite view and say that learning to be competitive is the best preparation. Tell which one you agree with and explain why. v. 1
In this modern epoch, the crime rate of youth is increasing at an alarming rate. The recent numerical data and many expert opines that the crime rate of youngsters is increased because they do not get social and emotional learning from the parents and teachers. I totally agree with the statement and discuss it in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, let us discuss the wide spectrum of reasons as to why juvenile crime is increasing and why parents and teachers cannot look towards them. First and foremost, both the parents need to work to get an economical status in the society. Nowadays, people have a hectic lifestyle that they are engaged mostly in professional life. So, they don't have time to check and teach their pupils how to behaviour in the society. Children hardly get a time to interact with their parents. Emotional bonding has become weaker between children and parents. Moreover, in this 21st century, children are busy with the latest technology devices like computer, play station, mobile phones and many more and this will impact their life and became less active socially. Contemplating furthermore, teachers are considered as the best mentors for the students. In this competitive world, educating the moral side is the least priority with the intention of doing business in schools. In the past, teachers didn't only focus on student's academic learning, but also to their moral side. Nevertheless, they seem to do teaching just for the sake of the job. As a consequence of this, they are bunking school and making contacts with the people who encourage them to do antisocial activities which are not only harmful to society but also for the future of that individual. To encapsulate, it can be concluded that children need to get an emotional bond with the parents and educators. However, adolescent age is a crucial period and lack of parental and teacher care is necessary.
In this modern epoch, the crime rate of youth is increasing at an alarming rate. The recent numerical data and
Possible agreement error. The noun expert seems to be countable; consider using: "many experts".
many expert
opines that the crime rate of youngsters
is increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
social and emotional learning from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and discuss it in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us discuss the wide spectrum of reasons as to why juvenile crime is increasing and why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
cannot look towards them.
First
and foremost, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
status in the society. Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a hectic lifestyle that they
are engaged
mostly
in professional life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they don't have time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
and teach their pupils how to
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a time to interact with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Emotional bonding has become weaker between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Moreover
, in this 21st century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are busy with the latest technology devices like computer, play station, mobile phones and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more and this will impact their life and became less active
socially
.

Contemplating
furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are considered
as the best mentors for the students. In this competitive world, educating the moral side is the least priority with the intention of doing business in schools. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on student's academic learning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to their moral side.
Nevertheless
, they seem to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go teaching".
do teaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the sake of the job. As a consequence of this, they are bunking school and making contacts with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who encourage them to do antisocial activities which are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
harmful to society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the future of that individual.

To encapsulate, it can
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an emotional bond with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and educators.
However
, adolescent age is a crucial period and lack of parental and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
care is necessary.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people say that the best preparation for life is learning to be cooperative. Do others take the opposite view and say that learning to be competitive is the best preparation. Tell which one you agree with and explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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