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Some people think that the only purpose of working hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. v.1

Some people think that the only purpose of working hard is to earn money. with this opinion. v. 1
In this constantly fostering era of technology, most of the youngsters find the reading as the most tedious task. As a result, they do opt for playing video games and other outdoor sports rather than spending their precious time for reading school books, which causes the reduction in their school grades. This has incited the populace to find the alternative of reading, so that, adolescents can enhance their scores in academics, in order to get succeed in the life. However, I would explain my notion regarding the significance of the study, in the following paragraphs and would conclude in the end. Firstly, it is an adequate notion to stimulate the teenagers towards the usage of the electronic gadget, in order to encourage them for the study. For example, the large proportion of youngsters bends towards the use of the technical equipment such as smart phones, tablets, play stations, et Cetra, in order to get themselves entertained and the parents can foster their reading habits by teaching them, the adequate use of such smart gadgets. Moreover, they can refrain the misuse of such equipment like the watching vulgar movies and other sort of adult content over the internet, as most of these machines possess the feature of parental control that allows the restricted use of these devices, which is beneficial for the adolescent, as well as, decline the stress of the parents regarding the inadequate application of these devices by their children. Consequently, the utilization of technically-rich equipment can foster the studying habits of the teenagers. Secondly, the adoption of the play-way or interactive teaching at the schools can help to enhance the enthusiasm of the school students towards the study. For example, the instructors can use the educational movies and games, online study quizzes, interactive presentations containing animation, Audiobooks, et Cetra in order to enhance the dedication of the adolescents in the study. This will not only help them to get rid of tiredness, but also improve their mental growth that includes the increase in the storage capacity of the brain, focus, relief from back pain and neck pain related issues. Therefore, the thought of the change in imparting education by employment of play-way or interactive teaching method, can incite the young people towards the study. In the end, it is apparent from both of the paragraphs that electronic gadgets and interactive instructing ways can play a significant role to bend the students or minors towards the study habits.
In this
constantly
fostering era of technology, most of the youngsters find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
as the most tedious task.
As a result
, they do opt for playing video games and other outdoor sports
rather
than spending their precious time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
books, which causes the reduction in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
grades. This has incited the populace to find the alternative of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, adolescents can enhance their scores in academics, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
succeed in the life.
However
, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my notion regarding the significance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, in the following paragraphs and would conclude in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

Firstly
, it is an adequate notion to stimulate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
towards the usage of the electronic gadget, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to encourage them for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
For example
, the large proportion of youngsters bends towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the technical equipment such as smart phones, tablets, play stations,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
themselves entertained and the parents can foster their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
habits by teaching them, the adequate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such smart gadgets.
Moreover
, they can refrain the misuse of such equipment like the watching vulgar movies and other sort of adult content over the internet, as most of these machines possess the feature of parental control that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the restricted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these devices, which is beneficial for the adolescent,
as well
as, decline the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of the parents regarding the inadequate application of these devices by their children.
Consequently
, the utilization of
technically
-rich equipment can foster the studying habits of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

Secondly
, the adoption of the play-way or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactive
teaching at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to enhance the enthusiasm of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
For example
, the instructors can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the educational movies and games, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
quizzes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactive
presentations containing animation, Audiobooks,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to enhance the dedication of the adolescents in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of tiredness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental growth that includes the increase in the storage capacity of the brain, focus, relief from back pain and neck pain related issues.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in imparting education by employment of play-way or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactive
teaching method, can incite the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
towards the study.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it is apparent from both of the paragraphs that electronic gadgets and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactive
instructing ways can play a significant role to bend the students or minors towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
habits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the only purpose of working hard is to earn money. with this opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
409 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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