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The tale below gives information about management positions help by women in European country in 2006. v.1

The tale below gives information about management positions help by women in European country in 2006. v. 1
With the advent of urbanization and rise in economic standards, there have been accompanying issues with people's health. Experts throughout both developing and developed nations have debated whether balanced diet is a key for the health or people should build more muscles. Personally, I believe that exercising is crucial for living a long, healthy life. In this essay, I shall examine a number of studies which show that both the viewpoints are, to some degree, justified. On one hand, there is ample, powerful, almost daily evidence that exercising or playing any physical sport bring enormous benefits to the health. The central reason behind this is twofold, firstly, because exercising helps in burning fat and building muscle, thus it is essential for maintaining a healthy Body Mass Index. For example, a recent study published by Oxford University illustrated that people who are physically active, on their daily basis, are less prone to obesity and other cardiovascular diseases. So, it is clear that, regular exercising may prevent a person from many life threatening chronic diseases. Secondly, indulging in any form of physical activity such as cycling helps in strengthening our immune system. As a result, it makes our bodies less prone to cough, cold and seasonal flu. Therefore, it is conclusively clear that, daily workouts, should be a mandatory part of a person's daily routine. However, on the other hand, the multifold advantages of eating a balanced diet cannot be denied. Eating a healthy amount of protein, carbohydrates, fats and fibre is essential for maintaining a healthy brain function. This is borne out by a study completed at the University of Melbourne which demonstrated that, more then 47% of people from across the globe, experience mental distress and anxiety, because of their unhealthy eating habits. Owning to this, it is safe to say that, a healthy, balanced diet has a very significant impact on our bodies. In conclusion, eating a healthy meal and indulging any form of physical activity, both play a significant role in maintaining the overall well-being. However, I am inclined to say that, exercising regularly is a lot more beneficial and practical approach towards health.
With the advent of urbanization and rise in economic standards, there have been accompanying issues with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Experts throughout both developing and developed nations have debated whether balanced diet is a key for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should build more muscles.
Personally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
is crucial for living a long,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
life. In this essay, I shall examine a number of studies which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that both the viewpoints are, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
degree, justified.

On one hand, there is ample, powerful, almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
evidence that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
or playing any physical sport bring enormous benefits to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. The central reason behind this is twofold,
firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in burning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and building muscle,
thus
it is essential for maintaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
Body Mass Index.
For example
, a recent study published by Oxford University illustrated that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
physically
active, on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
basis, are less prone to obesity and other cardiovascular diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a person from
Use "much" or "little" with uncountable nouns.
many
life threatening chronic diseases.
Secondly
, indulging in any form of physical activity such as cycling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in strengthening our immune system.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our bodies less prone to cough,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
and seasonal flu.
Therefore
, it is
conclusively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
workouts, should be a mandatory part of a person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
routine.

However
,
on the other hand
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
multifold
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
a balanced diet cannot
be denied
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Eating
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
amount of protein, carbohydrates, fats and
Possible spelling mistake. 'fibre' is British English.
fibre
is essential for maintaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
brain function. This
is borne
out by a study completed at the University of Melbourne which demonstrated that, more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
47% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from across the globe, experience mental distress and anxiety,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits. Owning to this, it is safe to say that, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, balanced diet has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant impact on our bodies.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
meal and indulging any form of physical activity, both play a significant role in maintaining the
overall
well-being.
However
, I
am inclined
to say that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
regularly
is a lot more beneficial and practical approach towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The tale below gives information about management positions help by women in European country in 2006. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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