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You are organising a local committee meeting. You would like a local MP to attend the meeting to contribute to a discussion about green areas in the community. Write a letter of invitation to the MP's secretary, Mrs Shelton. In your letterintroduc v.1

You are organising a local committee meeting. You would like a local MP to attend the meeting to contribute to a discussion about green areas in the community. Write a letter of invitation to the MP's secretary, Mrs Shelton. In your letterintroduc v. 1
It is true that in countries which are suffering from high rates of unemployment, it seems hardly worthwhile to offer education beyond primary level to most pupils. While I accept that this appears logical, I believe that this is a very narrow perspective, and I completely disagree with the statement. Firstly, the prediction of upturns and downturns in the job market is extremely difficult. At one period there may be a demand for workers in many sectors of a country’s economy. Wages are high, and the education system needs to prepare large numbers of students up to and beyond secondary school level, with the skills to meet the needs of employers. For example, while technology is replacing many traditional jobs in such areas as agriculture, transport and heavy industry, it is also creating new jobs in other sectors. Thus, in economic terms, it is almost impossible to say how many highly-educated young people will be required for a nation’s workforce. Secondly, I contend that the purpose of education is much more fundamental than simply to prepare young people for the world of work. Education is nothing less than the acquisition of lifelong skills in thinking critically about all aspects of life. At its best, secondary education plays an essential part of helping young people to develop these critical skills. If the citizens of a country are informed and enlightened, problems such as a welfare system or the distribution of wealth can be intelligently debated. Without mass education to this level, a country can have no responsible citizens. In conclusion, although in today’s volatile global economy, any country’s employment situation is subject to rapid changes, the intangible but real objectives of education dictate that young people should be educated to at least secondary level.
It is true that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which are suffering from high rates of unemployment, it
The adverb 'hardly' is usually put before the verb 'seems'.
seems hardly
worthwhile to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
beyond primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
to most pupils. While I accept that this appears logical, I believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
narrow perspective, and I completely disagree with the statement.

Firstly
, the prediction of upturns and downturns in the job market is
extremely
difficult. At one period there may be a demand for workers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy. Wages are high, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system needs to prepare large numbers of students up to and beyond secondary school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of employers.
For example
, while technology is replacing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
traditional jobs in such areas as agriculture, transport and heavy industry, it is
also
creating new jobs in other sectors.
Thus
, in economic terms, it is almost impossible to say how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
highly
-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be required
for a nation’s workforce.

Secondly
, I contend that the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is much more fundamental than
simply
to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for the world of work.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is nothing less than the acquisition of lifelong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in thinking
critically
about all aspects of life. At its best, secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays an essential part of helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to develop these critical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. If the citizens of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are informed
and enlightened, problems such as a welfare system or the distribution of wealth can be
intelligently
debated. Without mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can have no responsible citizens.

In conclusion
, although in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s volatile global economy, any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
employment situation is subject to rapid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, the intangible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
real objectives of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
dictate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be educated
to at least secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You are organising a local committee meeting. You would like a local MP to attend the meeting to contribute to a discussion about green areas in the community. Write a letter of invitation to the MP's secretary, Mrs Shelton. In your letterintroduc v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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