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Next month you are coming to Britain to study at a university in Scotland. On the way, you have a two day 'stop-over' in London. You need accommodation for one night and you would like to use this time to see as much as possible of Londo v.1

Next month you are coming to Britain to study at a university in Scotland. On the way, you have a two day 'stop-over' in London. You need accommodation for one night and you would like to use this time to see as much as possible of Londo v. 1
The development of elements of logistics such as vehicles, preservation, and navigation has made it possible to transport food from one place to a land far away. Some people argue that it would destroy the environment and the local economies. However, I believe that benefits from this development certainly outweigh the drawbacks. Many in the general public believe that globalisation of food markets is harmful to the local community and nature because multinational companies tend to have less concern for the environment and local people than their own profits. For example, Brazilian multinational companies have been clearing the Amazon Forest for cattle farms. Furthermore, these companies also endanger local farmers by dumping down the market price to the point where those farmers could not compete. The result of food globalisation is evident by the destruction of nature and decreasing farmland owned by the locals. Despite all these drawbacks, the fact that food can be distributed around the world provide significant benefits to humankind which is the way to combat hunger. For instance, even in this present day, there are some places around the globe where people still died of starvation in every minute. Being able to transport food from far away land could help alleviate this problem. Moreover, even though there are many developments in agricultural technologies, local farmers in many countries still largely depend on weather and soil quality which are unreliable. If there is some unfortunate year where the local crop yields are not enough for the population, the means of transportation will help sustain the population. In conclusion, even though there are disadvantages from global-scale food distribution, they are outweighed by the advantages. This development can save people's lives from starvation and help providing enough food for people in the community.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of elements of logistics such as vehicles, preservation, and navigation has made it possible to transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from one place to a land far away.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the environment and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
economies.
However
, I believe that benefits from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
certainly
outweigh the drawbacks.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
in the
Consider using "public".
general public
believe that
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
markets is harmful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community and nature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
tend to have less concern for the environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
profits.
For example
, Brazilian multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have been clearing the Amazon Forest for cattle farms.
Furthermore
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
also
endanger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
farmers by dumping down the market price to the point where those farmers could not compete. The result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
is evident by the destruction of nature and decreasing farmland
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by the locals.

Despite all these drawbacks, the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can
be distributed
around the world provide significant benefits to humankind which is the way to combat hunger.
For instance
, even in this present day, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places around the globe where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
of starvation in every minute. Being able to transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from far away land could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
alleviate this problem.
Moreover
,
even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
in agricultural technologies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
farmers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
still
largely
depend on weather and soil quality which are unreliable. If there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unfortunate
It is better to use 'year' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "year when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
year where
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
crop yields are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for the population, the means of transportation will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
sustain the population.

In conclusion
,
even though
there are disadvantages from global-scale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
distribution, they
are outweighed
by the advantages. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
can save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
from starvation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to provide" or "provide".
providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the community.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Next month you are coming to Britain to study at a university in Scotland. On the way, you have a two day 'stop-over' in London. You need accommodation for one night and you would like to use this time to see as much as possible of Londo v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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