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People today are selfish and greedy. They think only about improving their own lives rather than others in the society. Do you agree? v.1

People today are selfish and greedy. They think only about improving their own lives rather than others in the society. Do you agree? v. 1
People have different views as to whether arts or science and technology should attract more public attention. While I believe the achievements of artists should be recognized, the significance of science and technology should not be overlooked. On the one hand, artists acquire positive publicity thanks to their gifts and contributions. Their prominence and unique talents are the reasons why they are usually in a blaze of publicity, allowing them to have beneficial impacts on the mindsets of people. For example, Ho Quang Hieu, a legendary Vietnamese singer and also a philanthropist, who donated half of his wealth to charity, is a perfect example for this. Without these musicians, singers, and writers, the world would develop into no more than a dull, tedious, and selfish society. On the other hand, I believe that science and technology are conducive the development of modern applications. Thanks to relentless advances in technology, electronic devices such as mobile phones, computers, and tablets have assisted business-to-business communication and computerized the mechanism of storing of information. It is clear that the world’s population will experience a productivity boost that will result in an overall increase in life satisfaction. In the scientific setting, scientific research is an indispensable part of medical research. For example, the development of robotic surgeons has paved the way for a promising future of flawless surgery. With the advent of all the sophisticated machines above, humans are revolutionizing multiple facets of our life. In conclusion, I concur with the idea that although artists are essential to the society, scientific and technological research is worth investing in as well.
People
have
different
views
as to whether
arts or science and
technology
should attract more public attention. While I believe the achievements of artists should
be recognized
, the significance of science and
technology
should not
be overlooked
.

On the one hand, artists acquire
positive
publicity thanks to their gifts and contributions. Their prominence and unique talents are the reasons why they are
usually
in a blaze of publicity, allowing them to have beneficial impacts on the mindsets of
people
.
For example
, Ho
Quang
Hieu
, a legendary Vietnamese singer and
also
a philanthropist, who donated half of his wealth to charity, is a perfect example for this. Without these musicians, singers, and writers, the world would develop into no more than a dull, tedious, and selfish society.

On the other hand
, I believe that science and
technology
are conducive the development of modern applications. Thanks to relentless advances in
technology
, electronic devices such as mobile phones, computers, and tablets have assisted business-to-business communication and computerized the mechanism of storing of information. It is
clear
that the world’s population will experience a productivity boost that will result in an
overall
increase in life satisfaction. In the scientific setting, scientific research is an indispensable part of medical research.
For example
, the development of robotic surgeons has paved the way for a promising future of flawless surgery. With the advent of all the sophisticated machines above, humans are revolutionizing multiple facets of our life.

In conclusion
, I concur with the
idea
that although artists are essential to the society, scientific and technological research is worth investing in
as well
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay People today are selfish and greedy. They think only about improving their own lives rather than others in the society. Do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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