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You are not satisfied with the changing room in a sports center that you visit. Write a letter to the manager, What the problem isHow you feel about the problemWhat steps you want the manager to take v.1

You are not satisfied with the changing room in a sports center that you visit. Write a letter to the manager, What the problem isHow you feel about the problemWhat steps you want the manager to take v. 1
The countryside is observing a migration due to its young population who is leaving it for the big cities. The essay will start by explaining the consequences of the migration, after that a solution to prevent this phenomenon is suggested. If the immigration continues to happen, the development of the countryside will be affected. A younger, stronger and healthy workforce is a prerequisite for any development work such as the construction of roads and houses, educating and mentoring the school children. Moreover, the senior citizens will have no one to take care off; in the old age, they expect and need to be taken care of by the younger generation which would be hard. To prevent further leaving of the youths from their rural areas, their problems need to be addressed. Most of the migrations happen in search of better opportunities. The young want good jobs, better health care, schools and infrastructures like roads, water and electricity. If these infrastructures are available in the countryside, migration to cities will be very low. Therefore, the Governing bodies should listen to the problems faced by the rural population and a proposal needs to be drafted listing all the people’s concerns. In summary, the immigration of the young population is the serious concerns. The government must take steps such as job creation and improving education, health and construction infrastructure to make the villages a better destination for young people to live happily with their families without leaving their hometowns to pursue their dreams.
The countryside is observing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
due to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
population who is leaving it for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities. The essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
by explaining the consequences of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
, after that a solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this phenomenon
is suggested
.

If the immigration continues to happen, the development of the countryside will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. A younger, stronger and healthy workforce is a prerequisite for any development work such as the construction of roads and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, educating and mentoring the school children.
Moreover
, the senior citizens will have no one to take care off; in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
and need to
be taken
care of by the younger generation which would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
further
leaving of the youths from their rural areas, their problems need to
be addressed
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrations
happen in search of better opportunities. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
want
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs, better health care, schools and infrastructures like roads, water and electricity. If these infrastructures are available in the countryside,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
to cities will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low.
Therefore
, the Governing bodies should listen to the problems faced by the rural population and a proposal needs to
be drafted
listing all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s concerns.

In summary, the immigration of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
population is the serious concerns. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take steps such as job creation and improving education, health and construction infrastructure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the villages a better destination for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily
with their families without leaving their hometowns to pursue their dreams.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You are not satisfied with the changing room in a sports center that you visit. Write a letter to the manager, What the problem isHow you feel about the problemWhat steps you want the manager to take v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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