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Nowadays many people choose ready made food and refuse to cook at home. Why do you think it happens? What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a choice? v.3

Nowadays many people choose ready made food and refuse to cook at home. Why do you think it happens? What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a choice? v. 3
According to some new reports published, the number of animals found in the wild all over the globe has reduced drastically in the last half century. Although the numbers continue to decline, in my opinion, I believe protecting the climate and preventing poachers from hunting these animals down can greatly minimize the rate at which the wildlife creatures are declining and protect them from going into extinction. To begin with, human activities such as pollution and illicit practices in manufacturing has greatly impacted our environment and this has resulted in environmental changes all over the world. The ripple effects of these actions, have caused certain animals to die as their habitat has been destroyed and hence could not survive. Furthermore, Humans need to be more intentional and practice safe manufacturing while also cutting down on pollutants such as fossil fuel and poisonous gases. For instance, a recent study carried out by scientist in British Columbia found that about 1000 whales died from ingesting plastic bottles and leftovers of human debris. This caused the government to announce that plastic would no longer be used in Canada in a bid to protect the animals in the water. Additionally, non governmental bodies can team up and retrieve the endangered species from their habitats, with the help of funds donated by the public. This would ensure the continuity of such species that are endangered. Another way of safeguarding the population of creatures found in the wild, is by restricting the activities of poachers and hunters and ensuring endangered species are protected. A large number of unlicensed hunters go to the forest and hunt down animals which they either use for commercial purposes or for consumption. Even after the government has banned them from selling the skins of such animals, they still hunt them down and sell it illegally. Alternatively, the Government can pass a law that prohibits these hunters from hunting animals down illegally and any poacher caught will pay heavy fines or be sent to jail up to two years. In addition, the government needs to sensitize the people about the roles of these creatures in our society and the world at large, so that they can also help report poachers and stop patronizing them. In conclusion, recent reports have stated that the populace of creatures found in the wild all over the globe has consistently declined in the last fifty years. In my opinion, I believe that stopping the activities of poachers and protecting our environment as well as climate will help to keep these animals all globally from declining and prevent them from going into extinction.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new reports published, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
in the wild all over the globe has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
drastically
in the last half century. Although the numbers continue to decline, in my opinion, I believe protecting the climate and preventing poachers from hunting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
down
can
greatly
minimize the rate at which the wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
are declining and protect them from going into extinction.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, human activities such as pollution and illicit practices in manufacturing has
greatly
impacted our environment and this has resulted in environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
all over the world. The ripple effects of these actions, have caused certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
as their habitat has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
and
hence
could not survive.
Furthermore
, Humans need to be more intentional and practice safe manufacturing while
also
cutting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
down
on pollutants such as fossil fuel and poisonous gases.
For instance
, a recent study carried out by scientist in British Columbia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
that about 1000 whales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from ingesting plastic bottles and leftovers of human debris. This caused the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to announce that plastic would no longer be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in Canada in a bid to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in the water.
Additionally
,
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non governmental
bodies can team up and retrieve the endangered species from their habitats, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of funds donated by the public. This would ensure the continuity of such species that
are endangered
.

Another way of safeguarding the population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
found
in the wild, is by restricting the activities of poachers and hunters and ensuring endangered species
are protected
.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
unlicensed hunters go to the forest and hunt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which they either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for commercial purposes or for consumption. Even after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has banned them from selling the skins of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, they
still
hunt them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
down
and sell it
illegally
.
Alternatively
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
can pass a law that prohibits these hunters from hunting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
down
illegally
and any poacher caught will pay heavy fines or be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to jail up to two years.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
needs to sensitize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the roles of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
in our society and the world at large,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
report poachers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
patronizing them.

In conclusion
, recent reports have stated that the populace of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creatures
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "finds", "founds"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'found' is not always incorrect.)
found
in the wild all over the globe has
consistently
declined in the last fifty years.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, I believe that stopping the activities of poachers and protecting our environment
as well
as climate will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
all globally from declining and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from going into extinction.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many people choose ready made food and refuse to cook at home. Why do you think it happens? What are the advantages and disadvantages of such a choice? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
435 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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