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You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: give details of your study plansexplain why yo v.2

You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: give details of your study plansexplain why yo v. 2
Although I believe that there are many ways to make people to be united regardless of their background, I agree that music is a good method to achieve the goal. The music allows people to communicate without a language barrier. People can express their emotions and ideas through the melody of the songs. For example, artists who can sing or play instruments are capable of delivering their sadness or happiness to different audiences without saying a word. This means that people can appreciate the piece of music. Consequently, they can build trust and understanding despite their cultures or ages. Furthermore, a great piece of music can inspire people's lives. For instance, music is one of the ways to encourage soldiers in the military before they move toward the battle. It helps to calm them down and make their spirit to be united. On the other hand, there are other methods of bringing people together such as a community club. In the community club, people are gathering with a common interest in a place. For example, people can sign up a course in their community club and they can meet different individuals. Also, the community club encourages members to be a volunteer to tidy their area. As a result, people are likely to be more intimate when they are doing the same work. In conclusion, I believe that we have various approaches to bring people of all ages and cultures together. However, I agree that music is the better way of it.
Although I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be united
regardless of their background, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method to achieve the goal.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate without a language barrier.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can express their emotions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
through the melody of the songs.
For example
, artists who can sing or play instruments are capable of delivering their sadness or happiness to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
audiences without saying a word. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can appreciate the piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Consequently
, they can build trust and understanding despite their cultures or ages.
Furthermore
, a great piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can inspire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the ways to encourage soldiers in the military
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
toward the battle. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to calm them down and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their spirit to
be united
.

On the other hand
, there are other methods of bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together such as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are gathering with a common interest in a place.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
up a course in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
club and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
individuals.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
encourages members to be a volunteer to tidy their area.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to be more intimate when they are doing the same work.

In conclusion
, I believe that we have various approaches to bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages and cultures together.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the better way of it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some help. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: give details of your study plansexplain why yo v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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