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You are attending a training program in a foreign country. Write to your manager and say that you want to stay longer in that country for personal reasons. Include the following in your letter: – How did you benefit from the training program? – Why do y v.1

You are attending a training program in a foreign country. Write to your manager and say that you want to stay longer in that country for personal reasons. Include the following in your letter: – How did you benefit from the training program? – Why do y v. 1
Universities have a vital effect on students' life. There are two approaches for the main aim of universities. One side thinks that it is important to give adequate information to them, whereas others believe students should learn about how to improve their talent for the workplace after graduating. I am an advocate of teaching students for their career. In my opinion, the fundamental function of a university is showing youngs what they should do to find a good job in the future. Education systems need to consider this view as well because students need to survive in life. If a person does not work in a job, he/she may not rent or purchase a house. This is the main requirement for humankind. Thus, universities would provide adequate education to get a job. The main function also includes another factor that teaches them how to benefit from their knowledge to help the public and employers. This is so important because students need to use theories or understand them for real life. As they are starting to work, they will try to connect them. For example, sociology and psychology are difficult major to study because they cover abstract subjects and students need to see these subject in life Thereby, authorities may give opportunities such as laboratories to carry out experiments. In conclusion, Universities have a responsibility not only for education but also for life. If they had considered this main function, today, education would have been better. However, universities have a huge chance to change the future at the moment, I believe in the future students have the furthest education by way of this function that I mentioned.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
have a vital effect on students'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There are two approaches for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. One side
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to give adequate information to them, whereas others believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should learn about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their talent for the workplace after graduating. I am an advocate of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for their career.

In my opinion, the fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
function
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is showing
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "young", the plural form of the noun 'young'?
youngs
what they should do to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job in the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
systems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to consider this view
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to survive in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If a person does not work in a job, he/she may not rent or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. This is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
requirement for humankind.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
would provide adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
function
also
includes another factor that teaches them how to benefit from their knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the public and employers. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
theories or understand them for real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. As they are starting to work, they will try to connect them.
For example
, sociology and psychology are difficult major to study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cover abstract subjects and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these subject in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
Thereby, authorities may give opportunities such as laboratories to carry out experiments.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
have a responsibility not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If they had considered this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
function
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
would have been better.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
have a huge chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the future at the moment, I believe in the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have the furthest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
by way of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
function
that I mentioned.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You are attending a training program in a foreign country. Write to your manager and say that you want to stay longer in that country for personal reasons. Include the following in your letter: – How did you benefit from the training program? – Why do y v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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