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In some countries, it is now possible for people to buy products made in other countries. To what extent do the benefits of this development outweight the problems? v.1

In some countries, it is now possible for people to buy products made in other countries. v. 1
A person might spend his lifetime looking for the work that he is truly passionate about. While some frequently switches their type of work, others stick to a single profession for a long time. In the following paragraphs we will discuss both the views and conclude with my personal opinion. To begin with, people who work in the same field for a longer duration are usually the ones who become master of a skill. The long exposure in the same field of work often makes them a true professional. For example, my friend's father had dropped out of his school after 8th grade and started working as a mechanic. He has been in the same field for the past thirty years and now has car service partnerships with almost every automobile company in India. The longevity in the profession has only made him a skilled master. Thus, people working in the same field for a long period are usually satisfied with their kind of work and knowledge becomes their biggest asset. On the other hand, people usually change professions when they are not satisfied with their current one. To cite an example, Warren Buffet who is amongst the richest people on Earth started as a newspaper delivery boy and is now a successful investor after twelve profession switches. He could not settle for a job as he could not find passion, but along with the job changes he earned various kinds of experiences which led to his current success. Thus, people who switch jobs frequently are always looking for the work which brings them satisfaction although this also brings them different kinds of experiences. In conclusion, the duration of time a person spends in a field of work has its own reasons and advantages. I personally opine that working for a short period and changing work type gives more exposure and better life lessons.
A person might spend his lifetime looking for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that he is
truly
passionate about. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
frequently
switches their type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, others stick to a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
for a long time. In the following paragraphs we will discuss both the views and conclude with my personal opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
for a longer duration are
usually
the ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
become master of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. The long exposure in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them a true professional.
For example
, my friend's father had dropped out of his school after 8th grade and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working as a mechanic. He has been in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
for the past thirty years and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
has car service partnerships with almost every automobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in India. The longevity in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
made him a skilled master.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
for a long period are
usually
satisfied with their kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and knowledge becomes their biggest asset.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professions
when they are not satisfied with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
one. To cite an example, Warren Buffet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is amongst the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on Earth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
as a newspaper delivery boy and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a successful investor after twelve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profession
switches. He could not settle for a job as he could not find passion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
along with the job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
he earned various kinds of experiences which led to his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
success.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
switch jobs
frequently
are always looking for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which brings them satisfaction although this
also
brings them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of experiences.

In conclusion
, the duration of time a person spends in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons and advantages. I
personally
opine that working for a short period and changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
type gives more exposure and better life lessons.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, it is now possible for people to buy products made in other countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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