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The plan below show the layout of a university's sport center now, and how it will look after redevelopment. v.1

The plan below show the layout of a university's sport center now, and how it will look after redevelopment. v. 1
In this new modern of way of living the people have advanced technology to make purchases the household product, In this present situation of the Nation. The humankind, they got easily obtain and the hardware has now been is standardized to acquire the goods. In this essay, I will give my opinion, this is a wholesome progress of the way of living of the people. It is also unwise if the mankind bought this product if is not necessary if their life. To commence with, I think people were able to buy a wide range household items would be beneficial to the costumer. They are contented to shop and they're living in the environment they are extremely satisfied. For example, in the country of Taiwan people always desire the luxurious life that why they want to purchase in their home even it is expenses. However, they need this item if they celebrate their festival like Chinese new year, for their culture this is lucky if you change an item. This is also their habits that cues their saint divert in their home. A part of this, due of various kinds of home products, there are several drawbacks to the whole society. The more people have choices, the more inclined to buy the item, even though they are essential. This is only to promote the habit of the guild. For an instance, the other store owner they have a sale item for 50% so that the people eager to buy their products. Moreover, this the way the customer is satisfied and purchase. If the items are not crucial in the daily living, it is not important to buy because the store is relish only their sales. In conclusion, Today's people is they follow their desire even if the items is not necessary, However, people need shopping wisely they buy a bargain item. They should soften the blow to the bank account balance, mankind, they need to think first if is important for daily life or leisure.
In this new modern of way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have advanced technology to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
the household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, In this present situation of the Nation. The humankind, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
easily
obtain and the hardware has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
been
is standardized
to acquire the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. In this essay, I will give my opinion, this is
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "wholesome progress".
a wholesome progress
of the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It is
also
unwise if the mankind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
if is not necessary if their life.

To commence with, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a wide range household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
would be beneficial to the costumer. They
are contented
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shop and
they're
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the environment they are
extremely
satisfied.
For example
, in the country of Taiwan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always desire the luxurious life that why they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
in their home even it is expenses.
However
, they need this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
if they celebrate their festival like Chinese new year, for their culture this is lucky if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
. This is
also
their habits that cues their saint divert in their home.

A part of this, due of various kinds of home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, there are several drawbacks to the whole society. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have choices, the more inclined to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
,
even though
they are essential. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to promote the habit of the guild. For an instance, the other store owner they have a sale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
for 50%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eager to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Moreover
, this the way the customer
is satisfied
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
are not crucial in the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the store is relish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their sales.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
they follow their desire even if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
is not necessary,
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need shopping
wisely
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a bargain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
. They should soften the blow to the bank account balance, mankind, they need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
first
if is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for daily life or leisure.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The plan below show the layout of a university's sport center now, and how it will look after redevelopment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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