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You are an university student who are living in the accommodation at the campus. One day you find something wrong with your accommodation. So you write a letter to the House Officer to tell them what happened, the reason you think, what you decide to do, v.1

You are an university student who are living in the accommodation at the campus. One day you find something wrong with your accommodation. So you write a letter to the House Officer to tell them what happened, the reason you think, what you decide to do, v. 1
Industrialisation has resulted in the generation of many new jobs. As a result, the employment rate has greatly increased worldwide. The economic growth has a huge positive impact on the modern society. Not only, it has helped in greatly reducing hunger and poverty, but also, has improved the quality and standard of living. In contrast, some people believe that the development and economic enhancement are having a negative impact on the environment as it must be stopped totally. In this essay, I will discuss both views and additionally, will also highlight that even though the economic advancement might have some damaging effect, but the positive side of it, has overshadowed all the negatives. Firstly, the economic enhancement has made lives easier worldwide by generating a variety of jobs. Unemployment rates all over have greatly reduced. By investigation, researchers have found out that the unemployment rate in developing countries has decreased by almost 30% in the last 30-40 years. Such as, in China, modernisation and the economic evolution have led to the rise of the number of people employed by 40 million. Different industries and job sectors have opened up which are employing more and more people. The IT industry and the management sector have given jobs to over 10 billion people worldwide. For example, in the United States alone, the IT industry has hired over 10 million youngsters from developing countries and have thus boosted their quality of life. Secondly, the economic growth has resulted in globalisation. Therefore, it has reduced the long standing problem of racism and bigotry. People of different cultures, religions, nations and races now work together under the same roof. They work with each other, hand in hand, to achieve the desired, common objective. As revealed by, some of the big companies like Apple and Microsoft, where they have hired people from over 100 countries like France, the U. S. A, Canada, Philippines, India, China, Israel, Morocco, South Africa, Australia, Thailand and Mexico. Economic growth has given birth to a healthy, multicultural work atmosphere and thus, it has impacted the society positively. Conversely, some people might argue that the economic advancement has damaged our habitat and so, it must be stopped. Even though, it is true that increased industrialisation has lead to deforestation, pollution and has caused global warming, it can be controlled by the government and hence, these problems can be minimised. In conclusion, I strongly support the rise of the economy and I think, boosting the economic situation worldwide is the only way to fight hunger and poverty. Economic betterment has benefited the society in many ways. As revealed by, the improved infrastructure and technology, significant advancement in the health sector and meeting health challenges, and the rise in the importance of education. On the other hand, some people oppose this development as they highlight the negative results it has on our environment. However, the governments and people can help in tackling these issues by switching to eco-friendly alternatives and reducing waste production. In my opinion, economic evolution is essential in the development of a nation and shaping the future of the world.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Industrialisation' is British English.
Industrialisation
has resulted in the generation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
As a result
, the employment rate has
greatly
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worldwide
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth has a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the modern society. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in
greatly
reducing hunger and poverty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the quality and standard of living.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the development and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
enhancement are having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the environment as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
totally
. In this essay, I will discuss both views and
additionally
, will
also
highlight that
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
advancement might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
damaging effect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of it, has overshadowed all the negatives.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
enhancement has made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worldwide
by generating a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Unemployment rates all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
have
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. By investigation, researchers have found out that the unemployment rate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
has decreased by almost 30% in the last 30-40 years. Such as, in China,
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
evolution have led to the rise of the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
employed by 40 million.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
industries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
sectors have opened up which are employing more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The IT industry and the management sector have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
10 billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worldwide
.
For example
, in the United States alone, the IT industry has hired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
10 million youngsters from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
and have
thus
boosted their quality of life.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth has resulted in
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
.
Therefore
, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long standing
problem of racism and bigotry.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures, religions, nations and races
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
work together under the same roof. They work with each other, hand in hand, to achieve the desired, common objective. As revealed by,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
like Apple and Microsoft, where they have hired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
100 countries like France, the U. S. A, Canada, Philippines, India, China, Israel, Morocco, South Africa, Australia, Thailand and Mexico.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Economic
growth has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
birth to a healthy, multicultural work atmosphere and
thus
, it has impacted the society
positively
.

Conversely
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
advancement has damaged our habitat and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
.
Even though
, it is true that increased
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialisation' is British English.
industrialisation
has lead to deforestation, pollution and has caused global warming, it can
be controlled
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
hence
, these problems can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
support the rise of the economy and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, boosting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worldwide
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to fight hunger and poverty.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Economic
betterment has benefited the society in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. As revealed by, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
infrastructure and technology, significant advancement in the health sector and meeting health challenges, and the rise in the importance of education.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
oppose this development as they highlight the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results it has on our environment.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in tackling these issues by switching to eco-friendly alternatives and reducing waste production. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
evolution is essential in the development of a nation and shaping the future of the world.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You are an university student who are living in the accommodation at the campus. One day you find something wrong with your accommodation. So you write a letter to the House Officer to tell them what happened, the reason you think, what you decide to do, v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
519 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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