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TPO 21 - Question 3Daily E-mail with campus activitiesThe university will now send all students a daily email containing information about campus events and activities. Rather than get information about campus events once a week in the campus newspaper, s v.1

TPO 21 - Question 3Daily E-mail with campus activitiesThe university will now send all students a daily email containing information about campus events and activities. Rather than get information about campus events once a week in the campus newspaper, s v. 1
People's value is now measured by their position and their financial strength unlike in the past where virtues are more appreciated. I agree with this point of view because important positions in the society are reserved for the rich as well as nepotism increase in workplaces. Firstly, people with dignity were formally rewarded for this behaviour with important positions in the society to overlook some certain affairs of the state that requires such values. However, people can now buy such positions with their money through fake charities to gain the attention of the government and the people. for example, many rich people in my village engage in temporary giveaway just to get a chieftancy position, knowing fully well that is the only the measuring yardstick required nowadays. Thus, rich people are rewarded with important positions inconsiderate of their characters but based on their money. Furthermore, nepotism is now a trend in the workplace. To clarify, many interviewers are simply interviewed for the sake of formality by employers whereas they already have their candidates who are mostly the children of the elites. For instance, most companies would rather employ candidates that of wealthy background that can help the company with their parent connections to get contracts. Consequently, merit is ignored and this bad trend is encouraged even in the workplace. To conclude, materialism has taken over good moral compass such as kindness, dignity and honesty which has eaten deep into our society. I recommend that people should promote virtues above wealth and status in order to discourage this bad trend that can pressure people to commit crime in order to belong.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
's value is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
measured by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
and their financial strength unlike in the past where virtues are more appreciated. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in the society
are reserved
for the rich
as well
as nepotism increase in workplaces.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with dignity were
formally
rewarded for this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in the society to overlook
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain affairs of the state that requires such values.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
with their money through fake charities to gain the attention of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in my village engage in temporary giveaway
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
chieftancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
, knowing
fully
well
that is
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the measuring yardstick required nowadays.
Thus
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are rewarded
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
inconsiderate of their characters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
based on their money.

Furthermore
, nepotism is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a trend in the workplace. To clarify,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
interviewers are
simply
interviewed for the sake of formality by employers whereas they already have their candidates who are
mostly
the children of the elites.
For instance
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
would
rather
employ candidates that of wealthy background that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with their parent connections to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
contracts.
Consequently
, merit is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
trend
is encouraged
even in the workplace.

To conclude
, materialism has taken over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
moral compass such as kindness, dignity and honesty which has eaten deep into our society. I recommend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should promote virtues above wealth and status in order to discourage this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
trend that can pressure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commit crime in order to belong.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 21 - Question 3Daily E-mail with campus activitiesThe university will now send all students a daily email containing information about campus events and activities. Rather than get information about campus events once a week in the campus newspaper, s v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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