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You are a student of university of sydney. your identity card has been stolen. Write a letter to local police station giving details of who are you. What happened and asking what should you do to get a new identity card. v.1

You are a student of university of sydney. your identity card has been stolen. Write a letter to local police station giving details of who are you. What happened and asking what should you do to get a new identity card. v. 1
Social multimedia becomes an inevitable part of our life. Doing immune to one's privacy on social network is perilous. The essay will argue the view and put forward evidences as to why disadvantages can be covered by advantages of public platforms. Operating social may have a great deal of drawbacks. Firstly, those who are terrorists can hack one's personal security and can commit crime. Hackers can pervade rumour easily by social network such as Facebook, Twitter, Instragram. Then the impact will be that rioting will initiate all over the society. Secondly, when one's private life, particularly women's lives, will be opened for ordinary people, there has a possibility that miscreants will follow the targeted girls and attempt to blackmail. Otherwise, they will strive to endanger their life. For example, Indian statistics demonstrated that a host of individuals Facebook ID was hacked. Among victims, a number of girls are blackmailed and threatened. After that, The events are followed by some suicides committed by females. As a result, turmoil began throughout the society to determine the problems. So, free information can be a fatal occurrence in some people's lives. On the other hand, despite having some inconveniences of consuming social network, its numerous benefits are obvious if it can be utilized appropriately. The prime advantage can be to communicate individuals across the global village within a few seconds. There is a wide verity of methods to secure a person's occult matter which will lead individual to ensure certainty on social platforms and reduce the feasibility to be faced any unprecedented incident. For instance, the authority of Facebook, Viber and Instragram claimed that they strengthened the security systems to forbear difficulties and suggested their consumers to install some antivirus applications. Afterwards, an operator will be satisfactory and vulnerable to using them To conclude, although several risks of public multimedia are evident if a man shares his own information before the public, but they can be avoided if individuals become cautious regarding their information. The essay discussed the view and put forward evidences concerning the disadvantages of social media are minimal compared with their conveniences. In my opinion, those inconveniences of multimedia can not surpass the opportunities of social media.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
multimedia becomes an inevitable part of our life. Doing immune to one's privacy on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network is perilous. The essay will argue the view and put forward evidences as to why disadvantages can
be covered
by advantages of public platforms.

Operating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
may have a great deal of drawbacks.
Firstly
, those who are terrorists can hack one's personal security and can commit crime. Hackers can pervade
Possible spelling mistake. 'rumour' is British English.
rumour
easily
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network such as Facebook, Twitter,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Instragram
. Then the impact will be that rioting will initiate all over the society.
Secondly
, when one's private life,
particularly
women's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, will
be opened
for ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, there has a possibility that miscreants will follow the targeted girls and attempt to blackmail.
Otherwise
, they will strive to endanger their life.
For example
, Indian statistics demonstrated that a host of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
Facebook ID
was hacked
. Among victims, a number of girls
are blackmailed
and threatened. After that, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are followed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suicides committed by females.
As a result
, turmoil began throughout the society to determine the problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, free information can be a fatal occurrence in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the other hand
, despite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inconveniences of consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network, its numerous benefits are obvious if it can
be utilized
appropriately
. The prime advantage can be to communicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
across the global village within a few seconds. There is a wide verity of methods to secure a person's occult matter which will lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to ensure certainty on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the feasibility to
be faced
any unprecedented incident.
For instance
, the authority of Facebook,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viber
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Instragram
claimed that they strengthened the security systems to forbear difficulties and suggested their consumers to install
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
antivirus applications. Afterwards, an operator will be satisfactory and vulnerable to using them

To conclude
, although several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of public multimedia are evident if a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
shares his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the public,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
be avoided
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
become cautious regarding their information. The essay discussed the view and put forward evidences concerning the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media are minimal compared with their conveniences. In my opinion, those inconveniences of multimedia can not surpass the opportunities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay You are a student of university of sydney. your identity card has been stolen. Write a letter to local police station giving details of who are you. What happened and asking what should you do to get a new identity card. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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