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8. Which of the following acts have more influence on you, newspaper, TV, orteachers? Explain the reason with specific details. v.1

8. Which of the following acts have more influence on you, newspaper, TV, orteachers? Explain the reason with specific details. v. 1
Deciding the location for building major companies and industries is crucial. Some people believe that it should be located in the suburbs. This essay will highlight the benefits and drawbacks of moving large enterprises outside the town, and provide the reasons why I believe the merits of this outweigh the demerits. To begin with, one of the disadvantages is that the employees working in the company would have difficulty in travelling. This is because when the workplace is situated in the outlying urban centre, the employees living in the urban place will have to commute long distance to reach the workplace. Consequently, this will consume a lot of time in commuting for the workers. Another drawback is that rural places lack security. This means that this poses a high risk of theft of material as well as machinery, which is used in the industry. In contrast, today we have the option to install cameras for security, which means that these places can be in camera surveillance 24/7. Talking about the benefits, on of the significant positives of shifting major companies and manufacturing industries outside the urban area is that this will help to reduce pollution, especially noise pollution. The reason for this is that these industries emit greenhouse gasses in substantial amounts as well as produce incessant nuisance while manufacturing products, which will be eliminated if they are shifted outside the cities. Secondly, these industries produce massive wastes and mostly this waste is dumped in the outskirts of the city; thereby, if the industry itself is located in the outskirts, this will ease their job to dispose the waste generated from manufacturing activities. In conclusion, although there can be a lack of security and longer commute for employees, the reduction in pollution and feasibility of dumping waste is imperative. Therefore, in my view, the appropriate place for these businesses is away from towns.
Deciding the location for building major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
is crucial.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it should
be located
in the suburbs. This essay will highlight the benefits and drawbacks of moving large enterprises outside the town, and provide the reasons why I believe the merits of this outweigh the demerits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the disadvantages is that the employees working in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
would have difficulty in travelling. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when the workplace
is situated
in the outlying urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, the employees living in the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
commute long distance to reach the workplace.
Consequently
, this will consume
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time in commuting for the workers. Another drawback is that rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
lack security. This means that this poses a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of theft of material
as well
as machinery, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we have the option to install cameras for security, which means that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
can be in camera surveillance 24/7.

Talking about the benefits, on of the significant positives of shifting major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
outside the urban area is that this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
pollution,
especially
noise pollution.
The reason for this is
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
emit greenhouse gasses in substantial amounts
as well
as produce incessant nuisance while manufacturing products, which will
be eliminated
if they
are shifted
outside the cities.
Secondly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
produce massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastes
and
mostly
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
is dumped
in the outskirts of the city; thereby, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
itself
is located
in the outskirts, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
their job to dispose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
generated from manufacturing activities.

In conclusion
, although there can be a lack of security and longer commute for employees, the reduction in pollution and feasibility of dumping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
is imperative.
Therefore
, in my view, the appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for these businesses is away from towns.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay 8. Which of the following acts have more influence on you, newspaper, TV, orteachers? Explain the reason with specific details. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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