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You and your colleague want to use a company room. Write a letter to your manager and ask for permission. In your letter, you should: •explain why you need that room•describe which room you need and why•tell what changes will need to be done there. v.1

You and your colleague want to use a company room. Write a letter to your manager and ask for permission. In your letter, you should: •explain why you need that room•describe which room you need and why•tell what changes will need to be done there. v. 1
Education is a basic human right which every child should be given opportunity to access regardless of their socioeconomic status or country of origin. Limiting children to a certain level of education based upon their background has been generating a lot of controversial arguments lately. While some people argue that pupils from low income nations should not be allowed to further their studies up to the secondary level, others are of the opinion that their status should not be used as a yardstick to deny these children of this basic right. I totally disagree with the view that children should not be denied such an opportunity. Firstly, children are the future of a nation, it is the quality of education that they receive today that would predict the growth of the country in a few years to come. The reason is not far fetched, many people who have become professionals came to be as a result of the advanced level of education they received. For instance, sciences which are taught in school forms the basis for technological know how and innovations which we use in modern day to day activities to make life easier and better for us. This can improve living conditions. In addition, secondary education is a stepping stone for tertiary levels. A pupil who has passed through both processes can become an entrepreneur in the future and create massive job opportunities for others, thereby solving the problem of unemployment in their country. An example of this can be found in people that are working for themselves or even working remotely and offering services to people at a cost. Secondary and tertiary education would be of benefit to this category of students. To sum it up, I believe it is totally wrong and biased to deny children the right to advance in their career as such could kill potential talents. Rather, they should be encouraged to proceed to higher levels.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is a basic human right which every child should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opportunity to access regardless of their socioeconomic status or country of origin. Limiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
based upon their background has been generating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
controversial arguments lately. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that pupils from low income nations should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
further
their studies up to the secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
, others are of the opinion that their status should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a yardstick to deny these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of this basic right. I
totally
disagree with the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
be denied
such an opportunity.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the future of a nation, it is the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that they receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
that would predict the growth of the country in a few years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. The reason is not
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
far fetched
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have become professionals came to be
as a result
of the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
they received.
For instance
, sciences which
are taught
in school forms the basis for technological know how and innovations which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in modern
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life easier and better for us. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
living conditions.

In addition
, secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a stepping stone for tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
. A pupil who has passed through both processes can become an entrepreneur in the future and create massive job opportunities for others, thereby solving the problem of unemployment in their country. An example of this can
be found
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are working for themselves or even working
remotely
and offering services to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at a cost. Secondary and tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
would be of benefit to this category of students.

To sum it up, I believe it is
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and biased to deny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the right to advance in their career as such could kill potential talents.
Rather
, they should
be encouraged
to proceed to higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay You and your colleague want to use a company room. Write a letter to your manager and ask for permission. In your letter, you should: •explain why you need that room•describe which room you need and why•tell what changes will need to be done there. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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