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Some people think that teenagers should do unpaid work to help society because this will help them to be better individuals and also improve the society a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this proposal? v.2

Some people think that teenagers should do unpaid work to help society because this will help them to be better individuals and also improve the society a whole. with this proposal? v. 2
While there are grounds to argue that making teenagers as a volunteer and unpaid work would be a great assistant for them and the society, it can similarly be argued that working unpaid of young peoples, would be an infringement of their justices. In this essay, I shall examine the merits both sides of the debates. One argument is that working young people on voluntary works would help the community to improve. It is vivid that these days, the society suffers from lack of workforce and teenagers working would direct effect on the shortage of the labour in public workplaces. For instance, by recruit teenagers as a volunteer in the health sector, not only the young person would benefit from being in such a workplace and find his or her potency of future career, but also the society would fulfil its job vacancies and the absences of labour in some general work. Another argument in which there is a prominent merit for teenagers individually is that through working they could find a sense of responsibility that is worthy of their future. At present, teenagers spend much of their spare time, playing football or online games, whereas going out to work, particularly as a volunteer will teach them social skills such as team working, leadership and critical management. Therefore, through these skills they are more likely to be successful in their future professional career. Despite those arguments, there is an equally strong case to be made that it would be morally wrong if teenagers work during their childhood, especially if they did not earn a salary. This explained by the fact that in recent years there has been a global movement to stop the practice of child labour. The principal philosophy of this movement is that, teenage years are just the time for education and playing and so working at that time, is justifiably and morally wrong and it could be possible that the young people would exposed to be exploited by employers in workplaces. To sum up, I personally believe that teenagers and the society, both are likely to benefit from working at their teenage time. Although, the situation will be compounded by the fact that they would not earn any payments and the danger of being exploited even is existing.
While there are grounds to argue that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
as a volunteer and unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
would be a great assistant for them and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, it can
similarly
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
unpaid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
peoples, would be an infringement of their justices. In this essay, I shall examine the merits both sides of the debates.

One argument is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on voluntary works would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the community to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
. It is vivid that these days, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
suffers from lack of workforce and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
would direct effect on the shortage of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
in public workplaces.
For instance
, by recruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
as a volunteer in the health sector, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person would benefit from being in such a workplace and find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
potency of future career,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
would fulfil its job vacancies and the absences of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
general work.

Another argument in which there is a prominent merit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
individually
is that through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
they could find a sense of responsibility
that is
worthy of their future. At present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
spend much of their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, playing football or online games, whereas going out to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
particularly
as a volunteer will teach them social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, leadership and critical management.
Therefore
, through these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they are more likely to be successful in their future professional career.

Despite those arguments, there is an
equally
strong case to
be made
that it would be
morally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during their childhood,
especially
if they did not earn a salary. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by the fact that in recent years there has been a global movement to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the practice of child
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
. The principal philosophy of this movement is that, teenage years are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for education and playing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, is
justifiably
and
morally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and it could be possible that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "expose"
exposed
to
be exploited
by employers in workplaces.

To sum up, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, both are likely to benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at their teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. Although, the situation will
be compounded
by the fact that they would not earn any payments and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of
being exploited
even is existing.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some people think that teenagers should do unpaid work to help society because this will help them to be better individuals and also improve the society a whole. with this proposal? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
381 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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