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Writing, reading and maths are the three major subjects. Some people think that computer skills should be added as a fourth subject. What extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Writing, reading and maths are the three major subjects. Some people think that computer skills should be added as a fourth subject. What extent v. 1
It's quite common for people to meet different conditions during their lives, part of them choose to fight against their fate, while others select their way of tolerating the reality. From my point of view, I argue that everyone can have their own ways of living, but I prefer to experience the challenging situation, and enjoy the satisfaction of overcoming the difficulties. In this essay, I will discuss both attitudes towards the bad situation, and outline the key points of them. There are two main reasons accounting for the advantages of overcoming the terrible situation. Firstly, a better equality of life will be gained after solving the problem. Since people need to make great effort to make their own living, as a result of which, once they become successful, they would have a great fortune and change their destiny. Such as many children were born in small villages far away from the cities, and they grab every chance of exams to get into the university to change their fate. In addition, the process of fighting against the difficult environment increases the meaning of life. People who tolerate the hard emotions and overcome the problems tend to have more energy both in their body and mental. For instance, a writer called Qian had been sent to prison for about 20 years, however, during the period, he wrote a famous book which made a great influence on Chinese history. Therefore, hard environment can facilitate people's development. On the other hand, it's more convenient and easy for people to accept the situation. Due to the factor that people are lazy to change the situation, hence, they may not step forward and tolerate the situation. We can't deny that it's a way of dealing with the difficulty, although it is passive and sometimes may not work. Consequently, people can still wait for the changes to happen. To summarise, both ways of dealing with the hard situation are reasonable, and everyone can make their own decisions. When it comes to my words, I hold the view that compared to the passive ways of accepting it, I prefer to the way of overcoming the difficulties.
It's quite common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
conditions during their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, part of them choose to fight against their fate, while others select their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of tolerating the reality. From my point of view, I argue that everyone can have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of living,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I prefer to experience the challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, and enjoy the satisfaction of overcoming the difficulties. In this essay, I will discuss both attitudes towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
, and outline the key points of them.

There are two main reasons accounting for the advantages of overcoming the terrible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
Firstly
, a better equality of life will
be gained
after solving the problem. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
great effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
living,
as a result
of which, once they become successful, they would have a great fortune and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their destiny. Such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children
were born
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
villages far away from the cities, and they grab every chance of exams to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the university to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their fate.
In addition
, the process of fighting against the difficult environment increases the meaning of life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who tolerate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
emotions and overcome the problems tend to have more energy both in their body and mental.
For instance
, a writer called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Qian
had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to prison for about 20 years,
however
, during the period, he wrote a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
book which made a great influence on Chinese history.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
environment can facilitate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's development.

On the other hand
, it's more convenient and easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to accept the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
. Due to the factor that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are lazy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
,
hence
, they may not step forward and tolerate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
. We can't deny that it's a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of dealing with the difficulty, although it is passive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
may not work.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
still
wait for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
to happen.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of dealing with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
are reasonable, and everyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to my words, I hold the view that compared to the passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of accepting it, I prefer to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of overcoming the difficulties.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Writing, reading and maths are the three major subjects. Some people think that computer skills should be added as a fourth subject. What extent v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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