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Over the past century, reading, writing, and maths skills are always the most important parts of education. Some people argue that every child will benefit if a fourth skill is added: the computer skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Over the past century, reading, writing, and maths skills are always the most important parts of education. Some people argue that every child will benefit if a fourth skill is added: the computer skills. v. 1
Nowadays, the advance of the internet has allowed society to explore the life and heritage of a nation without having to be physically there. In my opinion, I disagree because I believe that people ought to explore other countries in order to obtain experiences and study new traditions in real life. One good reason to visit a country is because of the fact that it allows them to experience new surroundings. In other words, visitors can be exposed to rare sight which might not be available in their homeland. For instance, many tourists that went to Japan will be able to see the performance of Geisha, a Japanese woman who does traditional art and dance, whereas the internet often just display a glimpse of their movements. Hence, if people opt for travelling, they will be able to encounter new adventures that might not be available in any website. Another point to consider is that people will be able to meet and interact with the citizens. Since the internet only shows some part of the culture of a nation, communicating and learning from the community directly will help them to understand the real value of traditional heritage. Recent research discovered that exchange students often are more open minded towards new ancient literatures compared pupils who had never been overseas. Therefore, going abroad allows tourists to study new cultures through the society straightforwardly. In conclusion, using the internet to study other cultures will not be advantageous as it just show some part of the life and cultures. The cost of travelling will be recouped many times over by the benefit it brings.
Nowadays, the advance of the internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
society to explore the life and heritage of a nation without having to be
physically
there. In my opinion, I disagree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ought to explore other countries in order to obtain experiences and study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
traditions in real life.

One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason to visit a country is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
surroundings.
In other words
, visitors can
be exposed
to rare sight which might not be available in their homeland.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists that went to Japan will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the performance of Geisha, a Japanese woman who does traditional art and dance, whereas the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
display a glimpse of their movements.
Hence
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opt for travelling, they will be able to encounter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
adventures that might not be available in any website.

Another point to consider is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and interact with the citizens. Since the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of a nation, communicating and learning from the community
directly
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to understand the real value of traditional heritage. Recent research discovered that exchange students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
are more
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
open minded
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ancient literatures compared pupils who had never been overseas.
Therefore
, going abroad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
tourists to study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
through the society
straightforwardly
.

In conclusion
, using the internet to study other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
will not be advantageous as it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Did you mean "shows"?
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. The cost of travelling will
be recouped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times over by the benefit it brings.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Over the past century, reading, writing, and maths skills are always the most important parts of education. Some people argue that every child will benefit if a fourth skill is added: the computer skills. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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