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The diagram below show that the environmental issues raised by the product over its life cycle. v.1

The diagram below show that the environmental issues raised by the product over its life cycle. v. 1
It is claimed that music as a good way can persuade people regardless of differences in age and culture to connect. Although this trend could not be impressive in some respects, for the most part, I am of the opinion that it would be an efficacious and robust approach. To start with, this approach cannot act as a medium to cut the differences between generations and cultures in some instances this is because some music styles make a controversial situation like rap that is a type of music of black people in which words are recited rapidly. This style is not accepted by some communities since most lyrics be written offensively and critically. In addition, people with religious backgrounds, mostly against the music because of the conservative character they have. So this approach would not be successful to come people together in such cases. Furthermore, a more effective way of music can elevate connection between people in the world is universal expressing not only cut the rate of stress, but also stimulates their emotions to bring them closer to each other with pleasant rhythm and novel experience. And also it seems people taste is likely to be modified in the long run, which people regardless of culture and age-specific listen to various rhythms in music and even receive the message of it. One great example of this is the music of Bob Marley from a small country, where culture has become influential around the world. This is because universal expressing feelings of love, empathy and positivity that give to common ground and issues. Besides music events help to build cross-cultural communications and stretch out cultural diversity between people. In conclusion, I would qualify the assertion that music is an effective method to elevating bond between people with generational differences and cultural gaps because it improves communication.
It
is claimed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way can persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of differences in age and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
to connect. Although this trend could not be impressive in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
respects,
for the most part
, I am of the opinion that it would be an efficacious and robust approach.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, this approach cannot act as a medium to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the differences between generations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
instances this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
styles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a controversial situation like rap
that is
a type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of black
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in which words
are recited
rapidly
. This style is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
communities since most lyrics
be written
offensively
and
critically
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with religious backgrounds,
mostly
against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the conservative character they have.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this approach would not be successful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together in such cases.

Furthermore
, a more effective way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can elevate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world is universal expressing not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
stimulates their emotions to bring them closer to each other with pleasant rhythm and novel experience. And
also
it seems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
taste is likely to
be modified
in the long run, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regardless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and age-specific listen to various rhythms in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and even receive the message of it. One great example of this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of Bob Marley from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
country, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
has become influential around the world. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
universal expressing feelings of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, empathy and positivity that give to common ground and issues.
Besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build cross-cultural communications and stretch out cultural diversity between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I would qualify the assertion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an effective method to elevating bond between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with generational differences and cultural gaps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
communication.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The diagram below show that the environmental issues raised by the product over its life cycle. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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