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write about the following topic: People play sports at a young age but drop it in adult age. Why is this the case? What is the solution to this problem? Write at least 250 words v.2

: People play sports at a young age but drop it in adult age. Why is this the case? What is the solution to this problem? v. 2
There is no gainsaying that topic attracts the immediate attention owing to its versatility and uniqueness. There is always a heated debate as why people avoid participating in sports at their adult age. This certain phenomenon has many aspects and reasons. Let’s discuss all the attributes in detail before reaching to a conclusive solution. To begin with, at younger age we are energetic and enthusiastic. Most importantly we have time to participate and enjoy our favorite sports as at that time we are not encircled in fulfilling our goals and ambitions of life. The core reason why people do not tend to enjoy their preferred sports or drop out the idea of participation as they become responsible for other important goals of their life. Their busy life does not allow them to spare time for themselves. For instance a person working on a 9-5 job would not be able to take out time for football as he focuses on his job responsibility and monetary benefit at the end of the month. To elucidate it further, other important attribute to this dilemma is the lack of required equipment or spaces. I would like to assert my point by stating an example here. A person do wants to play cricket or football, but he is not available with grounds or places where he could enjoy. There are certain steps that Government should take in order to encourage people to participate in games even in their adult age. But it is not only the responsibility of government to react proactively but also, the responsibility lies on people themselves to take out time for such physical activities as it is good for their health and social interactions. Government should make sure to provide people required parks or ground to enjoy outdoor sports and people should make sure to participate. It is very essential to break the monotonous job or business routines as such activities and sports not only provides mental relaxations but also physical health and prevent from certain diseases like cardiac attacks or muscular pains as body keeps stretching and stays active. To recapitulate the aforementioned topic, despite of all the busy schedule and routines, one should take out time to participate in sports activities with the same enthusiasm as of young age to stay fit and healthy.
There is no gainsaying that topic attracts the immediate attention owing to its versatility and uniqueness. There is always a heated debate as why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
avoid participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at their adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. This certain phenomenon has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects and reasons.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s discuss all the attributes in detail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching to a conclusive solution.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, at younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
we are energetic and enthusiastic. Most
importantly
we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
and enjoy our favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we are not encircled in fulfilling our goals and ambitions of life. The core reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not tend to enjoy their preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or drop out the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of participation as they become responsible for other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
goals of their life. Their busy life does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves.
For instance
a person working on a 9-5 job would not be able to take out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for football as he focuses on his job responsibility and monetary benefit at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the month. To elucidate it
further
, other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
attribute to this dilemma is the lack of required equipment or spaces. I would like to assert my point by stating an example here. A person do wants to play cricket or football,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he is not available with grounds or places where he could enjoy.

There are certain steps that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should take in order to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in games even in their adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the responsibility of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to react
proactively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, the responsibility lies on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves to take out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for such physical activities as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their health and social interactions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
required parks or ground to enjoy outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to break the monotonous job or business routines as such activities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides mental relaxations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
physical health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from certain diseases like cardiac attacks or muscular pains as body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
stretching and stays active.

To recapitulate the aforementioned topic,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
all the busy schedule and routines, one should take out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participate
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities with the same enthusiasm as of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to stay fit and healthy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay : People play sports at a young age but drop it in adult age. Why is this the case? What is the solution to this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
385 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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