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write about the following topic: People play sports at a young age but drop it in adult age. Why is this the case? What is the solution to this problem? Write at least 250 words v.1

: People play sports at a young age but drop it in adult age. Why is this the case? What is the solution to this problem? v. 1
The issue of stress-related illnesses have grown in importance over the past few decades. People are increasingly suffering from sicknesses as a result of stress. This essay will discuss the main causes of stress related illnesses and put forward several solutions for this issue. People struggle hard to work longer hours than ever before to earn more money. In addition, they have more job pressure. People place themselves in these unfavourable conditions because the cost of living is on the rise. In Iran, for instance, most of the people strive hard to provide their families with their basic needs. This often results in mental and physical suffering because they have to work overtime and take on additional roles which can be stressful. Despite the fact that stress has become an inevitable part of our lives, there are several sound advices that can be given to reach a stress-free life. Maintaining a good work-life balance and getting regular physical activities are both critical to mitigating stress-related illnesses. If people have more time to spend with their friends and families and have a healthy body by attending gyms on a regular basis, they are less likely to suffer from sicknesses caused by stress. Research findings confirm that having a healthier lifestyle can boost the body’s immune system. In sum, in order to reduce stress, one must have a better ration of work and rest and do some physical activities. In conclusion, in today’s fast paced world, a growing number of people are becoming ill which is caused by stress. This essay discussed how stress is often caused by long working hours and a lack of exercise. This essay also suggested that the solution to this problem are to manage a better work-life balance and to do exercise on a regular basis.
The issue of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related illnesses have grown in importance over the past few decades.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
increasingly
suffering from sicknesses
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. This essay will discuss the main causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
related illnesses and put forward several solutions for this issue.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
struggle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to work longer hours than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
to earn more money.
In addition
, they have more job pressure.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
place themselves in these
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the cost of living is on the rise. In Iran,
for instance
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
strive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to provide their families with their basic needs. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in mental and physical suffering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work overtime and take on additional roles which can be stressful.

Despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
has become an inevitable part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, there are several sound advices that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to reach a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free life. Maintaining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work-life balance and getting regular physical activities are both critical to mitigating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-related illnesses. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more time to spend with their friends and families and have a healthy body by attending gyms on a regular basis, they are less likely to suffer from sicknesses caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. Research findings confirm that having a healthier lifestyle can boost the body’s immune system. In sum, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a better ration of work and rest and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activities.

In conclusion
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world, a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming ill which
is caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
. This essay discussed how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stress
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
caused by long working hours and a lack of exercise. This essay
also
suggested that the solution to this problem are to manage a better work-life balance and to do exercise on a regular basis.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay : People play sports at a young age but drop it in adult age. Why is this the case? What is the solution to this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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