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write about the following topic: People are buying more and more manufactured products to use or own. What effects does this have on the individual and on the society? Is this positive or negative development? v.1

: People are buying more and more manufactured products to use or own. What effects does this have on the individual and on the society? Is this positive or negative development? v. 1
There is no harm in saying that given topic attract immediate attention owing to its uniqueness. There are two dimensions or school of thoughts to this topic. One group of people assert that using manufactured products is harmful for society whereby other group are of the opinion that these products are making us efficient and saves our time. Let’s discussion both dimensions in details before reaching to a final verdict. To begin with, technology has evolved our life drastically as compared to past few decades. With the use of modern technology many household works that used to required hours of efforts can be done in very short time. For instance, we used to wash clothes in minimum of 3 to 4 hours’ time whereas nowadays with the help of automatic laundry machine this can be done in an hour time. In addition to this, another prominent example is dishwashers that saves a lot of time and hassle. On the contrary, these manufactured products certainly has changed our lives and makes it efficient but it has some demerits as well. In order to stay healthy, human body requires movement. Just like any other machine, our body works in same way. If machines is not working it will be jammed or stopped working after sometime. Same rules applies to human body, if it stops motion or amount of energy utilization is reduced it would result in certain diseases. Most common one is obesity. If we get so dependent on manufactured products it will impact negatively on our health. The major diseases could be heart disease, respiratory issues and obesity. To recapitulate the aforementioned argument, in my opinion, the balance should be kept. No one can deny the importance and requirement of manufactured products in our life today but it is also essential to put physical efforts in some activities in order to stay healthy and active.
There is no harm in saying that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
topic attract immediate attention owing to its uniqueness. There are two dimensions or school of thoughts to this topic. One group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufactured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is harmful for society whereby other group are of the opinion that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are making us efficient and saves our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Did you mean "Lets" or "Let" (let's = let us; lets = 3rd person singular of 'let')?
Let’s
discussion both dimensions in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching to a final verdict.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, technology has evolved our life
drastically
as compared to past few decades. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of modern technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
household works that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to required hours of efforts can
be done
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to wash clothes in minimum of 3 to 4 hours’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
whereas nowadays with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of automatic laundry machine this can
be done
in an hour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
In addition
to this, another prominent example is dishwashers that saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and hassle.

On the contrary
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufactured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
certainly
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it efficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits
as well
. In order to stay healthy, human body requires movement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like any other machine, our body works in same way. If machines is not working it will
be jammed
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
working after sometime. Same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
applies to
human body, if it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
motion or amount of energy utilization is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
it would result in certain diseases. Most common one is obesity.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufactured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
it will impact
negatively
on our health. The major diseases could be heart disease, respiratory issues and obesity.

To recapitulate the aforementioned argument, in my opinion, the balance should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
. No one can deny the importance and requirement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufactured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in our life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
essential to put physical efforts in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities in order to stay healthy and active.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay : People are buying more and more manufactured products to use or own. What effects does this have on the individual and on the society? Is this positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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