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Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However some feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individual and on society? v.1

Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However some feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individual and on society? v. 1
Why almost every other person prefers to shop in their free time? There are both pros and cons while considering shopping as a priority. This essay will discuss several reasons as well as the effects on society and on an individual. Modern lifestyle choices are in demand and the main causes of growing popularity in shopping. Advancement in technology at a marketplace not only provides ease of access, but also numerous ways of shopping. Mega malls and different online apps are becoming an increasing trend as people can shop from phones and computers. They attract customers by providing an easy refund and return policy, free home delivery, discounts, and free vouchers. Additionally, as folks blindly follow their favourite stars. Many companies endorse their products by hiring celebrities, hence increasing demand for their products and brands. All these factors result in luring in people and encourage them to shop more and more. People are becoming Shopaholic which results in growing consumerism and have a huge impact in the development of society. The increasing trend in shopping activity will boon the economy and companies start producing better products at lower prices and satisfy the desire of the customers. This will definitely create employment opportunities. On the flip side, Shopaholic can be addictive and this may lead to people in debt. They start to buy unnecessary products and all their earnings go off in paying EMIs and credit card bills. As a result, they have no money left to save at the end. To conclude, shopping activity has increased because companies use modern technologies and platforms to sell their products. Hence, people start spending on products they don't want and put pressure on themselves. Shopping is essential and inevitable, but shouldn't be considered as a hobby.
Why almost every other person prefers to shop in their free time? There are both pros and cons while considering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
as a priority. This essay will discuss several reasons
as well
as the effects on society and on an individual.

Modern lifestyle choices are in demand and the main causes of growing popularity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. Advancement in technology at a marketplace not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provides
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of access,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
numerous ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. Mega malls and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
online apps are becoming an increasing trend as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can shop from phones and computers. They attract customers by providing an easy refund and return policy, free home delivery, discounts, and free vouchers.
Additionally
, as folks
blindly
follow their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
stars.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
endorse their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by hiring celebrities,
hence
increasing demand for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and brands. All these factors result
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
in luring in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and encourage them to shop more and more.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are becoming Shopaholic which results in growing consumerism and have a huge impact in the development of society. The increasing trend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
activity will boon the economy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
producing better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
at lower prices and satisfy the desire of the customers. This will definitely create employment opportunities.

On the flip side, Shopaholic can be addictive and this may lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in debt. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and all their earnings go off in paying
Possible spelling mistake found.
EMIs
and credit card bills.
As a result
, they have no money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to save at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
activity has increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
modern technologies and platforms to sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they don't want and put pressure on themselves.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
is essential and inevitable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
shouldn't
be considered
as a hobby.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However some feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individual and on society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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