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Write about the following topic: Children in some parts of the world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. Some people think this as a positive change; however, others think of it as a negative change. What do you think? Give reasons for v.2

: Children in some parts of the world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. Some people think this as a positive change; however, others think of it as a negative change. What do you think? Give reasons for v. 2
Children are the future generation of the country and if parents sow the seed of good and responsible behaviour, they will reap the benefits in the future. The younger generation in today’s world is shouldered with less duties than in bygone days. Although, some denizens believe it to be an optimistic trend, others consider it to be a pessimistic trend. This essay will argue the value of giving young people commitments in order to build a successful future. To embark on, in the modern world minors are not burdened with the duties or the urge to earn money to meet the necessities for their family members. Some parents consider it to be advantageous as in this way a child will be able to enjoy his or her childhood to the fullest free from the worldly worries. For example, a recent report in the UK shows that a happy childhood with no duties and tension plays a pivotal role in shaping the personality and potential. Moreover, parents have an opinion that children should focus more on their academic education and other co-curricular activities which will contribute to building their strong career rather than merely through performing tasks and duties. For instance, by getting a comprehensive education qualification a child will be able to get a high-quality job with a decent salary. On the contrary, without inculcating a sense of responsibility or teaching the difference between good and bad behaviour, the younger ones will go in the wrong direction or will get in the wrong company. For example, in the USA more than 25% of adolescents become drug addicts as they are not taught to be responsible at an earlier stage. Furthermore, not teaching young ones the need and importance of responsible behaviour will eventually lead to a laid-back attitude. They will not be aware of the harsh realities of the world nor will they have a seriousness towards anything. To illustrate, if children are spoon fed from the beginning, they will neither have the value for money nor the zeal to work hard to earn that money. To conclude, I strongly believe that juveniles must be made accountable for their actions to ensure responsible behaviour in the future. Undoubtedly this will help them to excel economically, socially, financially and ethically in future.
Children are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
generation of the country and if parents sow the seed of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, they will reap the benefits in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. The younger generation in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world
is shouldered
with
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun duties is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duties
than in bygone days. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
denizens believe it to be an optimistic trend, others consider it to be a pessimistic trend. This essay will argue the value of giving young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
commitments in order to build a successful future.

To embark on, in the modern world minors are not burdened with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duties
or the urge to earn money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the necessities for their family members.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents consider it to be advantageous as in this way a child will be able to enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
childhood to the fullest free from the worldly worries.
For example
, a recent report in the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that a happy childhood with no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duties
and tension plays a pivotal role in shaping the personality and potential.
Moreover
, parents have an opinion that children should focus more on their academic education and other co-curricular activities which will contribute to building their strong career
rather
than
merely
through performing tasks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
duties
.
For instance
, by getting a comprehensive education qualification a child will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high-quality job with a decent salary.

On the contrary
, without inculcating a sense of responsibility or teaching the difference between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
will go in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
direction or will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
For example
, in the USA more than 25% of adolescents become drug addicts as they are not taught to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
at an earlier stage.
Furthermore
, not teaching young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
the need and importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
will
eventually
lead to a laid-back attitude. They will not be aware of the harsh realities of the world nor will they have a seriousness towards anything. To illustrate, if children are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
spoon fed
from the beginning, they will neither have the value for money nor the zeal to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn that money.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that juveniles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
accountable for their actions to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Undoubtedly
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to excel
economically
,
socially
,
financially
and
ethically
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay : Children in some parts of the world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. Some people think this as a positive change; however, others think of it as a negative change. What do you think? Give reasons for v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
381 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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