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People are now living longer than ever before and many old people are unable to look after themselves Some people believe that it is responsibility of families to look after the elderly while others say governments should provide retirement homes for them v.2

People are now living longer than ever before and many old people are unable to look after themselves Some people believe that it is responsibility of families to look after the elderly while others say governments should provide retirement homes for them v. 2
In today’s world, the number of elder population has increased rapidly. Since the improvement of technological medication and better lifestyle, people can live much longer than other previous generations. There is a question of who should take the responsibility of taking care of elders. Some people say that looking after elders is a duty of family, while others argue that the state should take this responsibility. Both sides will be discussed carefully. On the one hand, there are multifarious reasons behind the former argument. First and forecast, older people have sacrificed most of their life in order to support the requirements to their offspring, thus family members should take turn to look after their elders. Therefore, the duty of taking care of aged people is family. Secondly, the quality of elder lives will be better if they live with their family. Happiness and satisfactory can be acquired by living with family members because elders are surrounding with their lovers. For example, when the old live with their family, they will feel happier than living in a retirement home with all strangers. On the other hand, some people who agree with the state should look after all aged citizens, assert that aged citizens already have paid tax for a long time and when they get older they should deserve all services that they pay for. The state should take care and supply aged citizens. Providing health services, subsidizing pension and offering retirement homes to the old should be taken by the city. With sufficient services from the city, aged people will not have to live in their own and will be more satisfied with their retirement life. In conclusion, both the state and family should take appropriately steps in order to look after aged citizens. Hopefully, with sufficient services from the government and good taking care of from family, it will nourish aged people with love and happiness. Older people will have a great time with the last stage of their life.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
population has increased
rapidly
. Since the improvement of technological medication and better lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
much longer than other previous generations. There is a question of who should take the responsibility of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that looking after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
is a duty of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, while others argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
should take this responsibility. Both sides will
be discussed
carefully
.

On the one hand, there are multifarious reasons behind the former argument.
First
and forecast, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have sacrificed most of their life in order to support the requirements to their offspring,
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members should take turn to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
.
Therefore
, the duty of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Secondly
, the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
will be better if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Happiness and satisfactory can
be acquired
by living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elders
are surrounding with their lovers.
For example
, when the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they will feel happier than living in a retirement home with all strangers.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
should look
after all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
, assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
already have paid tax for a long time and when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older they should deserve all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
that they pay for. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
. Providing health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, subsidizing pension and offering retirement homes to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
should
be taken
by the city. With sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
from the city,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and will be more satisfied with their retirement life.

In conclusion
, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
should take
appropriately
steps in order to look after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
.
Hopefully
, with sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, it will nourish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and happiness. Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have a great time with the last stage of their life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay People are now living longer than ever before and many old people are unable to look after themselves Some people believe that it is responsibility of families to look after the elderly while others say governments should provide retirement homes for them v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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