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Children in some parts of the world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. Some people think this as a positive change, however, others think of it as a negative change. What do you think? v.4

Children in some parts of the world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. Some people think this as a positive change, however, others think of it as a negative change. What do you think? v. 4
How much responsibility a child should take and whether modern children are less interested in performing their duties and obligations is debatable. While offspring in some countries still take many responsibilities, a great number of them, in other countries, are busy with their education and personal interests. I personally believe that the way children take responsibilities has changed over the time, mostly as a positive change, and to what extent a child should carry out these liabilities should be determined by the family and social condition. To begin with, the social, economic and family structure in the past, in most of the developing and underdeveloped countries, forced parents to distribute responsibilities among children and it was common for many young children to work hard and take care of younger family members besides their education. These young children learnt how to manage budgets, share things with other family members and face difficulties in life. Those important lessons, according to many, are no longer spread among the modern young generation and thus they become more selfish. However, with the change of the family structure and social norm, people these days want their children to excel in education and other creative fields rather than taking care of the family. Joint family predominated the society and parents had more children in the past. With the rise of the nuclear family and one-to-two-child-family policy, parents totally focus on a child' s education, unlike the past. In my opinion, blaming children for not taking responsibilities is an impartial judgement as modern children have far more pressure from schools and parents. They are not expected to earn money or do house hold works in a well-to-do family. With the increasing literacy rates, less discrimination in a family, women empowerment and better lifestyle, the trend has more positive outcomes, without a doubt. To conclude, these days we want our children to be the best scorer, best athlete, and outshine in everything they do unlike the past when parents wanted assistance from their offsprings to support the family. Thus the changes have brought numerous developments and the move was inevitable with the paradigm shift of the social structure.
How much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
a child should take and whether modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are less interested in performing their duties and obligations is debatable. While offspring in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
still
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
, a great number of them, in other countries, are busy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and personal interests. I
personally
believe that the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the time,
mostly
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, and to what extent a child should carry out these liabilities should
be determined
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
condition.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
, economic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, in most of the developing and underdeveloped countries, forced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to distribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and it was common for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and take care of younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
besides
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. These young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
how to manage budgets, share things with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and face difficulties in life. Those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lessons, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, are no longer spread among the modern young generation and
thus
they become more selfish.

However
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
norm,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
these days want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to excel in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and other creative fields
rather
than taking care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
predominated the society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. With the rise of the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and one-to-two-child-family policy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
totally
focus on a
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. In my opinion, blaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for not taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
is an impartial judgement as modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have far more pressure from schools and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to earn money or do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
hold works in a well-to-do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. With the increasing literacy rates, less discrimination in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, women empowerment and better lifestyle, the trend has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes, without a doubt.

To conclude
, these days we want our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be the best scorer
A determiner is probably missing here: ", the best".
, best
athlete, and outshine in everything they do unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
wanted assistance from their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have brought numerous developments and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
was inevitable with the paradigm shift of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
structure.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Children in some parts of the world have less responsibility compared to children in the past. Some people think this as a positive change, however, others think of it as a negative change. What do you think? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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