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Graduates who cannot find work in their chosen field should be advised to do a second degree rather than taking a job that does not interest them To what extent do you agree with this statement v.1

Graduates who cannot find work in their chosen field should be advised to do a second degree rather than taking a job that does not interest them 1
Nowadays, it is very difficult for some young adults to get a desirable job with the same fields that they graduated. The job market has become very competitive as more and more students are qualified and have a first degree at least. However, some say that if graduates still cannot secure suitable employment in their career fields, they should be advised to study in advanced levels. Personally, I would recommend that it depends on several factors and student’s circumstances. To begin with, guiding a person to study in a higher degree might not a good idea for some reasons. If students have no real intend to pursue in further educations, they should not invest money and time on getting an unwanted certification. The universities charging fees are generally very expensive, which can up to several thousand dollars per semester, so students also need to consider carefully about the financial situation. Unfortunately, some students have to loan budget from banks to invest in an advanced degree and repay later. Another recommend is that job hunters who are unemployed might have to accept to the fact that there are not always favorable jobs available in the job market for everyone, so they might have to adapt themselves to do other jobs instead. Accumulating valuable experiences and building fundamental skills from the bottom could be a good start for an individual to shifts the profession and becomes successful. On the other hand, if a person still really wants to keep his/ her profession, it is also a good choice for a person to come back to study in a higher degree. During this unemployed time, graduates can change this unfortunate situation to entrance in a university in order to acquire a doctorate degree or pursue in a research-based career, if they are affordable the cost without getting in debt. To sum up, making a decision weather study in a postgraduate degree or accept other job opportunities depends on an individual’s circumstances. If one already planned the future education, I would recommend he/ she to follow the educational path, whereas if one struggles with financial support, changing careers might be another considerable option.
Nowadays, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young adults to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a desirable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with the same fields that they graduated. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive as more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are qualified
and have a
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
at least.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that if graduates
still
cannot secure suitable employment in their career fields, they should
be advised
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in advanced levels.
Personally
, I would recommend that it depends on several factors and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
circumstances.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, guiding a person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have no real intend to pursue in
further
educations, they should not invest money and time on getting an unwanted certification. The universities charging fees are
generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive, which can up to several thousand dollars per semester,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
also
need to consider
carefully
about the financial situation. Unfortunately,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
loan budget from banks to invest in an advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
and repay later.

Another recommend is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
hunters who
are unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
accept to the fact that there are not always favorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
available in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market for everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
adapt themselves to do other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
instead
. Accumulating valuable experiences and building fundamental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from the bottom could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
for an individual to shifts the profession and becomes successful.

On the other hand
, if a person
still
really
wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
his/ her profession, it is
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice for a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
. During this unemployed time, graduates can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this unfortunate situation to entrance in a university in order to acquire a doctorate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
or pursue in a research-based career, if they are affordable the cost without getting in debt.

To sum up, making a decision weather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in a postgraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
or accept other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities depends on an individual’s circumstances. If one already planned the future education, I would recommend he/ she to follow the educational path, whereas if one struggles with financial support, changing careers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be another considerable option.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Graduates who cannot find work in their chosen field should be advised to do a second degree rather than taking a job that does not interest them 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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