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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. v.143

The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. v. 143
Putting wildlife in confined spaces is considered a gruesome act in recent times; therefore abolishment of these artificial environments is in demand. Even though some people want to exercise an outright ban on zoos, I firmly hold a belief that abolishing these parks is not a judicious decision. It is fairly easy to comprehend why I acknowledge these sanctuaries should not be banished. The preponderant reason is that it promotes the conservation of animals, especially endangered species. Zoo authorities are being held responsible for providing adequate feed and treatment for the caged animals. For example, if any animal got injured within this artificial environment, the zoo officials are always there to provide medication. Besides, job opportunities are being created by these confined areas. As an overwhelming majority of the fauna are kept caged, workers such as security guards, veterinary doctors are recruited for taking care of them; consequently, it provides assistance to foster the employment rate. In short, wilderness areas are intuitively advantageous for not only animals but also for human beings. Meanwhile, there are some masses who are in disharmony with this recommendation. They believe that keeping the fauna in man-made cells will be infringement of these living creatures. Being in man-made cells means animals are no longer be able to enjoy or roam in their natural habitats which in turn prove damaging to them in some aspects. Why to put innocent animals in artificially created parks for unnecessary reasons when they enjoy more in their nature reserves? Thus, these people strongly criticize to put these vulnerable species in artificial cells as it takes away their freedom. Conclusively, despite the fact zoo snatches the autonomy of innocent living creatures, I wholeheartedly believe that these are only for protecting those species which are on the verge of extinction.
Putting wildlife in confined spaces
is considered
a gruesome act in recent times;
therefore
abolishment of these artificial environments is in demand.
Even though
some
people
want to exercise an outright ban on zoos, I
firmly
hold a belief that abolishing these parks is not a judicious decision.

It is
fairly
easy to comprehend why I acknowledge these sanctuaries should not
be banished
. The preponderant reason is that it promotes the conservation of
animals
,
especially
endangered species. Zoo authorities are
being held
responsible for providing adequate feed and treatment for the caged
animals
.
For example
, if any
animal
got
injured within this artificial environment, the zoo officials are always there to provide medication.
Besides
, job opportunities are
being created
by these confined areas. As an overwhelming majority of the fauna are
kept
caged, workers such as security guards, veterinary doctors
are recruited
for taking care of them;
consequently
, it provides assistance to foster the employment rate. In short, wilderness areas are
intuitively
advantageous for not
only
animals
but
also
for human beings.

Meanwhile, there are
some
masses who are in disharmony with this recommendation. They believe that keeping the fauna in
man
-made cells will be infringement of these living creatures. Being in
man
-made cells means
animals
are no longer be able to enjoy or roam in their natural habitats which in turn prove damaging to them in
some
aspects. Why to put innocent
animals
in
artificially
created parks for unnecessary reasons when they enjoy more in their nature reserves?
Thus
, these
people
strongly
criticize to put these vulnerable species in artificial cells as it takes away their freedom.

Conclusively
, despite the fact zoo snatches the autonomy of innocent living creatures, I
wholeheartedly
believe that these are
only
for protecting those species which are on the verge of extinction.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. v. 143

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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