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Write about the following topic: 1- Happiness is considered very important in life2- What is difficult to define? 3- What factors are important in achieving happiness? v.1

: 1- Happiness is considered very important in life2- What is difficult to define? 3- What factors are important in achieving happiness? v. 1
Nowadays, most people have an insatiable desire to possess state-of-the-art materials produced by high-profile companies. Such an attitude is mainly due to a variety of choices individuals may encounter and excessive advertisements across the globe. However, I wholeheartedly believe it is a negative development since it can pose a threat to environment resources. There are several reasons contribute to being consumerism. First and foremost, technological revolution provides people with a wide variety of options. That is to say, having online access to a huge number of branded products, people are being enticed to buy such cutting-edge commodities not because they need those, but because they want to pander to their every whim. Furthermore, advertising can play an essential role in the increased conspicuous consumption. It has psychologically proven that people are sub-consciously drown to products publicizing on television or social networking sites even if they do not need to have ones. Consequently, materialism is spreading through the world by these methods. Nevertheless, I believe purchasing these materials excessively can exert severe pressure on our finite resources. This is because the more items one person utilizes, the more raw materials should be extracted. For instance, the well-known car factory Toyota is claimed to consume a tremendous amount of oil by-product to create their vehicles. Likewise, such factories create different kind of pollution, leading to much more burden on the environment. Therefore, it is clear that producing and consuming these items eventually culminate in ecological degradation. In conclusion, although both technology and advertisements help people to enjoy having the latest products, it seems to me that such a pleasure would come at a high price for the nature and ultimately the humankind.
Nowadays, most
people
have an insatiable desire to possess state-of-the-art materials produced by high-profile
companies
. Such an attitude is
mainly
due to a variety of choices individuals may encounter and excessive advertisements across the globe.
However
, I
wholeheartedly
believe it is a
negative
development since it can pose a threat to environment resources.

There are several reasons contribute to being consumerism.
First
and foremost, technological revolution provides
people
with a wide variety of options.
That is
to say, having online access to a huge number of branded products,
people
are
being enticed
to
buy
such cutting-edge commodities not
because
they need those,
but
because
they want to pander to their every whim.
Furthermore
, advertising can play an essential role in the increased conspicuous consumption. It has
psychologically
proven that
people
are sub-
consciously
drown to products publicizing on television or social networking sites even if they do not need to have ones.
Consequently
, materialism is spreading through the world by these methods.

Nevertheless
, I believe purchasing these materials
excessively
can exert severe pressure on our finite resources. This is
because
the more items one person utilizes, the more raw materials should
be extracted
.
For instance
, the well-known car factory Toyota
is claimed
to consume a tremendous amount of oil by-product to create their vehicles.
Likewise
, such factories create
different
kind of pollution, leading to much more burden on the environment.
Therefore
, it is
clear
that producing and consuming these items
eventually
culminate in ecological degradation.

In conclusion
, although both technology and advertisements
help
people
to enjoy having the latest products, it seems to me that such a pleasure would
come
at a high price for the nature and
ultimately
the humankind.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay : 1- Happiness is considered very important in life2- What is difficult to define? 3- What factors are important in achieving happiness? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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