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Some people think that animal testing to advance medical research for human use is necessary. Others think it is not right. Discuss both of these views and give you own opinion. v.1

Some people think that animal testing to advance medical research for human use is necessary. Others think it is not right. v. 1
For many years TV has been the favoured media for popular entertainment and news by a great majority of people. But lately there are increasing numbers of other people who prefer radio and I entirely agree with the latter view. First, TV provides both audio and visual impact. Furthermore, television combined with advancing technologies such as AI and 3D fulfils the demands of audiences with a variety of media to choose from. There is no doubt the moving picture experience and animation can also ruin our imagination. For this reason, most of the televised series adapted from novels often receives negative comments. People who have read the books already hold the story in their minds with set images for all the characters and scenarios. As a result, when they see the same scenes dramatised visually, it is hard for the viewer to match what they imagine with the adaptations they see. Though radio does not offer visual imagery it does have its own unique appeal which I wish to follow up on. Firstly, the voices and sound effects alone can inspire audiences to think about related events in their own lives or a novel they have read. Secondly, it gives people the virtue and space to imagine and create visualisations in their minds independently. Besides, compared with viewing programs, listening options are more available and accessible to most of us. It is easy to illustrate. For instance, you need only to think about the situation on your way home while commuting, it is more than likely you will turn on the radio application your phone has installed rather than those for video. In conclusion, it is fair to state that on balance the two mediums both have their advantages and disadvantages, one may offer visual spectacle, but limits the imagination of the audience while the other stimulates it aurally. Personally, listening is more enjoyable and practical than watching programmes most of the time.
For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years TV has been the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
media for popular entertainment and news by a great majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
lately there are increasing numbers of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who prefer radio and I
entirely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter view.

First
, TV provides both audio and visual impact.
Furthermore
, television combined with advancing technologies such as AI and 3D
Possible spelling mistake found.
fulfils
the demands of audiences with a variety of media to choose from. There is no doubt the moving picture experience and animation can
also
ruin our imagination.
For this reason
, most of the televised series adapted from novels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
receives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
comments.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who have read the books already hold the story in their minds with set images for all the characters and scenarios.
As a result
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the same scenes
Possible spelling mistake. 'dramatised' is British English.
dramatised
visually
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the viewer to match what they imagine with the adaptations they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.

“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
radio does not offer visual imagery it does have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique appeal which I wish to follow up on.
Firstly
, the voices and sound effects alone can inspire audiences to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
or a novel they have read.
Secondly
, it gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the virtue and space to imagine and create
Possible spelling mistake. 'visualisations' is British English.
visualisations
in their minds
independently
.
Besides
, compared with viewing programs, listening options are more available and accessible to most of us. It is easy to illustrate.
For instance
, you need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the situation on your way home while commuting, it is more than likely you will turn on the radio application your phone has installed
rather
than those for video.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to state that on balance the two mediums both have their advantages and disadvantages, one may offer visual spectacle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
limits the imagination of the audience while the other stimulates it
aurally
.
Personally
, listening is more enjoyable and practical than watching
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
most of the time.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Some people think that animal testing to advance medical research for human use is necessary. Others think it is not right. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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