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Write a letter to your manger to nominate a person for best employee of the year award. Explain in your letter– Who is this person? – Why did you choose him/her? – What are the characteristics of a good employee? v.1

Write a letter to your manger to nominate a person for best employee of the year award. Explain in your letter– Who is this person? – Why did you choose him/her? – What are the characteristics of a good employee? v. 1
It is argued that businesses have fundamentally approached to earn money. Whereas, corporations have to concern about social obligation. So I strongly agree with given notion. Therefore, some reasons for my inclinations are articulated in trailed paragraphs. To commence with, the company has to make money in order for survival in the competitive world. If a company is profitable, then they meet a company's need and bear company's employees wages. In addition, businesses have to invest to remain as profitable business and higher reputation. A company is unable to pay its bills than any concerns about social responsibilities become irrelevant. In other word, business can only make a positive contribution to society if it is in good financial health. While a company should not solely aim to maximise profits, it has to involve in social problems. Corporations need to contribute in social obligations because it is aided in a company's value. For instance, a high profile company, Hindustan Unilever gives funds to plenty of NGOs and Charity to provide significant facilities for poor children. Businesses help with social issues, then it is helpful for company's market value. Some corporate sector do for marketing. If high profile and successful company concern about social responsibilities after that we can easily cope with poverty, unemployment and so on. To sum up, although it is essential to make money to run business, at the same time social obligations also important for the country. And also, a company should contribute to their customers regardless of money.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
have
fundamentally
approached to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, corporations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
concern about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
obligation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for my inclinations
are articulated
in trailed paragraphs.

To commence with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order for survival in the competitive world. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is profitable, then they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company's
need and bear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company's
employees wages.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
invest to remain as profitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and higher reputation. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is unable to pay its bills than any concerns about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibilities become irrelevant. In other word,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
contribution to society if it is in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
financial health.

While a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should not
solely
aim to
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximise' is British English.
maximise
profits, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problems. Corporations need to contribute in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
obligations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is aided
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company's
value.
For instance
, a high profile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, Hindustan Unilever gives funds to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of NGOs and Charity to provide significant facilities for poor children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issues, then it is helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company's
market value.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
corporate sector do for marketing. If high profile and successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
concern about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
responsibilities after that we can
easily
cope with poverty, unemployment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

To sum up, although it is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to run
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, at the same time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
obligations
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the country. And
also
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should contribute to their customers regardless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Write a letter to your manger to nominate a person for best employee of the year award. Explain in your letter– Who is this person? – Why did you choose him/her? – What are the characteristics of a good employee? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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