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Write a letter to your landlord who wants to increase the rent of the house you live in Tell him what you would do if he increases v.1

Write a letter to your landlord who wants to increase the rent of the house you live in Tell him what you would do if he increases v. 1
Extending monetary aids, to developing countries by their wealthy counterparts hardly eradicate poverty. Some people believe that other forms of assistance will go a long way to the less privileged nations, rather than financial donations. This essay agrees with this view and give relevant examples where needed. Helping one another is part of life and as individuals do help each other so do countries help another in need. Providing help in terms of different forms of aid is becoming a norm in the society as we see developed nations are assisting less developed and developing ones. Unfortunately, this has not raised the level of livelihood in these developing areas because the financial aids are not properly used for the intended purpose. I agree that other forms of aids should be given other than monetary assistance. Firstly, in the area of agriculture, finance shouldn't be provided to only purchase farming equipment rather, countries should provide training on how to preserve harvests of farm produce as this is lacking in most part of Africa. For example, more storage silos should be built to preserve harvests of crops such as maize, beans, millet, etc. so they can be available all year thereby, maintaining the prices of these products in the market. Secondly, in the aspect of healthcare, drugs should be provided and given to patients for free instead of giving monetary grants to non governmental organizations who don't always use the financial aid for the intended purpose. For example, if there are laboratories and pharmacies which can preserve drugs in the right conditions over a period of time, financial aid will reduce. In conclusion, for the world to be a better place to live in, countries who are not burdened with poverty and other forms of deprivations should help countries in need so as to reduce the rate of immigration, transfer of diseases and other health related vices.
Extending monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
, to developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by their wealthy counterparts hardly eradicate poverty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of assistance will go a long way to the less privileged nations,
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
donations. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this view and give relevant examples where needed.

Helping one another is part of life and as individuals do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
another in need. Providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in terms of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
is becoming a norm in the society as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
developed nations are assisting less developed and developing ones. Unfortunately, this has not raised the level of livelihood in these developing areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
are not
properly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the intended purpose. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than monetary assistance.

Firstly
, in the area of agriculture, finance shouldn't
be provided
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
farming equipment
rather
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should provide training on how to preserve harvests of farm produce as this is lacking in most part of Africa.
For example
, more storage silos should
be built
to preserve harvests of crops such as maize, beans, millet, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can be available all year thereby, maintaining the prices of these products in the market.

Secondly
, in the aspect of healthcare, drugs should
be provided
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to patients for free
instead
of giving monetary grants to
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non governmental
organizations who don't always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
for the intended purpose.
For example
, if there are laboratories and pharmacies which can preserve drugs in the right conditions over a period of time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.

In conclusion
, for the world to be a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who are not burdened with poverty and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of deprivations should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in need
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of immigration, transfer of diseases and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
health related vices.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Write a letter to your landlord who wants to increase the rent of the house you live in Tell him what you would do if he increases v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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