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Some children find mathematics and philosophy difficult. Some people think these subjects should be optional. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Some children find mathematics and philosophy difficult. Some people think these subjects should be optional. v. 1
Nowadays, individuals want to become richer. Owing to this, they do not let their cash to go unnecessary and have habits to save it. While, there are some who think they earn to have an enjoyable life and spend, expenditure on things they love to do. In this essay, I will shed light on both the views and discuss people should keep money for the future use, but it is also important to enjoy the today’s moments. To start with, populations who think to save their expense they are taking a positive step towards the betterment of their future. Basically, they are concerned about the secure future. To elaborate, bad timings never give an alarm to a person. So, everybody should be prepared before. For an example, if an individual has saved currency, then that can be utilised in any emergency related to health. Next, this kind of personalities is completely aware about the importance of wealth. Because they know, these days people are running behind the money and cat race has started. However, enjoyment in life is equally prominent. In this competitive era, people are very much busy in making their bank balance strong and hesitate to spend. But, they are forgetting the fact that they are not going to survive on this land for their whole life. So, it is really important that they should pay attention towards the happiness also which they can have from the things or activities which they really want to do. To exemplify, there are number families in India who instead of saving money are doing investment in small things which they enjoy daily with their family members. Like, they are going to watch movies, for shopping and excursion. Hence, instead of keeping bucks in the wallet spend it to earn and get joy in life. In crux, people yearn to have cherish life and it would only possible if they enjoy without letting their wishes incomplete. For this, it is inquisitive to spend money. But, the belief that only save capital and do not fulfil the wishes is completely preposterous.
Nowadays, individuals want to become richer. Owing to this, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their cash to go unnecessary and have habits to save it. While, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they earn to have an enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
, expenditure on things they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to do. In this essay, I will shed light on both the views and discuss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to enjoy the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s moments.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, populations who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to save their expense they are taking a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
step towards the betterment of their future.
Basically
, they
are concerned
about the secure future. To elaborate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
timings never give an alarm to a person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, everybody should
be prepared
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. For an example, if an individual has saved currency, then that can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
in any emergency related to health.
Next
, this kind of personalities is completely aware about the importance of wealth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they know, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are running behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and cat race has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
.

However
, enjoyment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
equally
prominent. In this competitive era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much busy in making their bank balance strong and hesitate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they are forgetting the fact that they are not going to survive on this land for their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that they should pay attention towards the happiness
also
which they can have from the things or activities which they
really
want to do. To exemplify, there are number families in India who
instead
of saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are doing investment in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
things which they enjoy daily with their family members. Like, they are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies, for shopping and excursion.
Hence
,
instead
of keeping bucks in the wallet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
it to earn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
joy in life.

In crux,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
yearn to have
Use past participle here: "cherished".
cherish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible if they enjoy without letting their wishes incomplete. For this, it is inquisitive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the belief that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
save capital and do not fulfil the wishes is completely preposterous.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some children find mathematics and philosophy difficult. Some people think these subjects should be optional. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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