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Write a letter to your friend who is working in multinational company. In your letter- Tell him/her that there is a job vacancy in their company. - Say how you found out about the job. - Ask for help with your job application. - Explain why you are intereste v.1

Write a letter to your friend who is working in multinational company. In your letter- Tell him/her that there is a job vacancy in their company. - Say how you found out about the job. - Ask for help with your job application. - Explain why you are intereste v. 1
In this contemporary era, children are more involving in technology than any other things. They prefer playing computer games rather than various outdoor games which is thought to be unwise by few individuals. Whereas, several masses of people believes that computer games are beneficial for youngster's mind growth. In this essay, I will discuss both views and state my own position. First of all, There is no doubt that electronic games are highly addictive that children can't stop themselves from playing it. Because of this their mind is always a pause by thinking games all the time, that they unable to concentrate on their studies or other curriculum activities. To exemplify, research shows that more than 70 percent of school children are having low marks and physical problems like eye rashes, back pain have been found playing computer games. Therefore, computer games are one of the obstacles in the future of the youngsters. Turning to the other sides of the argument, It says that, some critics consider that computer games are entirely beneficial for children's evolution. Although it's not required whole body movement, however computer games need strategy to win which develops their intelligence. As time is changed, it's been a great platform to pursue their carrier where they are interested in it. For instance, big names as a gamer like Shroud and Ninja earns more than $100, 000 in a month. Thus, computer games became eminent day by day that children can enjoy themselves and moreover, it also regards as a proficiency. In conclusion, I strongly opine that playing a computer game for children is not substandard but there should be a limit.
In this contemporary era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more involving in technology than any other things. They prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than various outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be unwise by few individuals. Whereas, several masses of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believes that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are beneficial for youngster's mind growth. In this essay, I will discuss both views and state my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
position.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, There is no doubt that electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
highly
addictive that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
themselves from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
it.
Because of this
their mind is always a pause by thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
all the time, that
Did you mean "they are" or "they were"?
they
unable to concentrate on their studies or other curriculum activities. To exemplify, research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that more than 70 percent of school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are having low marks and physical problems like eye rashes, back pain have
been found
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Therefore
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are one of the obstacles in the future of the youngsters.

Turning to the other sides of the argument, It says that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critics consider that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
entirely
beneficial for children's evolution. Although it's not required whole body movement,
however
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
need strategy to win which develops their intelligence. As time is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, it's been a great platform to pursue their carrier where they
are interested
in it.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
names as a gamer like Shroud and Ninja earns more than $100, 000 in a month.
Thus
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
became eminent day by day that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can enjoy themselves and
moreover
, it
also
regards as a proficiency.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a computer game for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is not substandard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there should be a limit.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Write a letter to your friend who is working in multinational company. In your letter- Tell him/her that there is a job vacancy in their company. - Say how you found out about the job. - Ask for help with your job application. - Explain why you are intereste v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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