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Write a letter to your friend who is moving to a new home. You have time to help her? How can you help her move? Ask questions about new home v.1

Write a letter to your friend who is moving to a new home. You have time to help her? How can you help her move? Ask questions about new home v. 1
Today children have been a subject of many pressures of academic to social and commercial challenges which impose constraints on their natural physical growth and freedom. This essay intends to discuss the possible causes and offer some solutions to alleviate the problem. Concerning academic pressure, the competitive age of today makes parents exert mounting pressure on their kids. They have children’s best interest at heart. They want them to outclass other students of their age. To fulfil such ambition, they go to great length. This includes hiring the best tutors in town to provide children with extra work after school and excludes extracurricular activities such as sport and exercise which is necessary for the natural physical and cognitive development of a child. The activities that do not only strengthen their bones and muscles and build up their confidence but also help them do better academically. Besides, teachers also put a greater burden on students by giving extra homework, which is too much for them to handle. All they do is to bring out the best in children, but the reality is they put them in an impossible position. Social and commercial influence also pressurize children. Socially, children want to follow the latest global culture adapted by many people and their fellow peers. However, parents may see this change intrusive and against formerly accepted tradition. Commercially, children are more into a fashion trend and most technologically advanced devices like the latest mobile phone. To tackle the problem, teachers should provide a non-competitive and more collaborative environment for students. The Parent-teacher association has to be held at school every month to instruct parents regarding the importance of the matter. Such PTA meetings are beneficial for parents to have less confrontation with children at home. Children’s expectation regarding commercial and social trend has to keep into perspective in the nonviolent and friendlier atmosphere by their parents. To conclude, it is indispensable to any school board to undertake the physical and mental health of these future citizens and to provide new insight into it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have been a subject of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pressures of academic to social and commercial challenges which impose constraints on their natural physical growth and freedom. This essay intends to discuss the possible causes and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to alleviate the problem.

Concerning academic pressure, the competitive age of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
exert mounting pressure on their kids. They have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
best interest at heart. They want them to outclass other students of their age. To fulfil such ambition, they go to great length. This includes hiring the best tutors in town to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with extra work after school and excludes extracurricular activities such as sport and exercise which is necessary for the natural physical and cognitive development of a child. The activities that do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
strengthen their bones and muscles and build up their confidence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them do better
academically
.
Besides
, teachers
also
put a greater burden on students by giving extra homework, which is too much for them to handle. All they do is to bring out the best in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the reality is they put them in an impossible position.

Social and commercial influence
also
pressurize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Socially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to follow the latest global culture adapted by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and their fellow peers.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
intrusive and against
formerly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
tradition.
Commercially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more into a fashion trend and most
technologically
advanced devices like the latest mobile phone.

To tackle the problem, teachers should provide a non-competitive and more collaborative environment for students. The Parent-teacher association
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be held
at school every month to instruct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
regarding the importance of the matter. Such PTA meetings are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to have less confrontation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children’s
expectation regarding commercial and social trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
into perspective in the nonviolent and friendlier atmosphere by their parents.

To conclude
, it is indispensable to any school board to undertake the physical and mental health of these future citizens and to provide new insight into it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Write a letter to your friend who is moving to a new home. You have time to help her? How can you help her move? Ask questions about new home v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
340 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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