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As the number of commercials is on the on our TV, many viewers feel annoyed and claim that commercials should be banned. Do you agree with the idea? v.2

As the number of commercials is on the on our TV, many viewers feel annoyed and claim that commercials should be banned. Do you agree with the idea? v. 2
Education is vital for everyone individual. It is seen that people who do not finish their academics tend to move ahead in their life. Whereas those who actually spend time completing their school and college slow down in obtaining success. This essay will state the relevant reasons along with the various ways needed for the favourable outcomes. Those who quit studying do not necessarily stop learning. There agenda is to be persistent in their learning by following the practical ways. A majority of the people engage themselves only in the educational activities they enjoy most and find studies of the schools or colleges distracting. However, some students, on the other hand, who actually wait till the time they procure their degree to seek jobs lack the practical experience. They rely upon the crammed up theories. For instance, alumnus struggles to be selected for the right position, even sometimes have difficulty being placed in any organisation because of the absence of the fundamental knowledge. That is why, It is of utmost importance to find your niche, so you could strengthen your learning in one particular subject. There is a plethora of components which altogether constitute success. It is a general belief that a clear goal and perseverance plays a crucial role which aids in achieving wealth and prosperity. When a human being exhibits diligence, they ultimately reach to their desired path. For example, if a child practice a particular skill since their birth, they tend to perform relatively better than their counterparts. Therefore, people who successfully ascertain their area of interest and show dedication, progress faster than the others. To conclude, it is always beneficial to recognise your talent and work towards following your dreams. Teaching in the education sector can only help you provide options to make your career choice. However, at the end, each person is responsible for their further learning and dedication to their work field.
Education is vital for everyone individual. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not finish their academics tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
ahead in their life. Whereas those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
actually spend time completing their school and college slow down in obtaining success. This essay will state the relevant reasons along with the various ways needed for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
outcomes.

Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
quit studying do not
necessarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
. There agenda is to be persistent in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
by following the practical ways. A majority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
engage themselves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the educational activities they enjoy most and find studies of the schools or colleges distracting.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students,
on the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
actually wait till the time they procure their degree to seek jobs lack the practical experience. They rely upon the crammed up theories.
For instance
, alumnus struggles to
be selected
for the right position, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
have difficulty
being placed
in any
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the absence of the fundamental knowledge.
That is
why, It is of utmost importance to find your niche,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you could strengthen your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
in one particular subject.

There is a plethora of components which altogether constitute success. It is a general belief that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
goal and perseverance plays a crucial role which aids in achieving wealth and prosperity. When a human being exhibits diligence, they
ultimately
reach to their desired path.
For example
, if a child practice a particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
since their birth, they tend to perform
relatively
better than their counterparts.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
successfully
ascertain their area of interest and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
dedication, progress faster than the others.

To conclude
, it is always beneficial to
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
your talent and work towards following your dreams. Teaching in the education sector can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you provide options to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
your career choice.
However
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, each person is responsible for their
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and dedication to their work field.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay As the number of commercials is on the on our TV, many viewers feel annoyed and claim that commercials should be banned. Do you agree with the idea? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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