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would you prefer to spend time with a larger group of people or with of smaller group. Compare advantages of each group and which one do you prefer and why? v.1

would you prefer to spend time with a larger group of people or with of smaller group. Compare advantages of each group and which one do you prefer and why? v. 1
In the past years, individuals shifted their location of shopping from small retail stores to shopping centres, resulting in the shutdown of many local shops. In my opinion, this trend is affecting negatively the economy in various ways. To begin with, small shops closing down have a big influence on the unemployment rates of a country. In other words, when retail stores are unable to compete with big malls for not having the enough resources, they are obliged to dismiss all their employees. As a result, job opportunities are harder to find, and competition is the work field is higher, especially for individuals who are above years old. For example, newly graduates have it better chance to find a new job vacancy because companies prefer to have youth in their teams due to their adaptability skills, leaving the individuals within the age range above 40 unemployed. Secondly, large centres can control the market price wise when there is no more competition. To put it differently, it is commonly known that owning a mall or a shop within a centre can lead to high expenses. Consequently, when competition gets lower large shops increases the prices of their goods in order to start gaining profits. For instance, business researchers showed that a very common strategy new business use is to cut their profits to Zero if necessary to attract new customers where they wait for their competitors to close to start increasing the prices gradually. In conclusion, large centres taking over the market, forcing retailers to close their businesses affect the economy in both increases of prices and unemployment rates.
In the past years, individuals shifted their location of shopping from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
retail stores to shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, resulting in the shutdown of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. In my opinion, this trend is affecting
negatively
the economy in various ways.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
closing down have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
influence on the unemployment rates of a country.
In other words
, when retail stores are unable to compete with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
malls for not having the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resources, they
are obliged
to dismiss all their employees.
As a result
, job opportunities are harder to find, and competition is the work field is higher,
especially
for individuals who are above years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
For example
,
newly
graduates have it better chance to find a new job vacancy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer to have youth in their teams due to their adaptability
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, leaving the individuals within the age range above 40 unemployed.

Secondly
, large
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
can control the market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
wise when there is no more competition. To put it
differently
, it is
commonly
known that owning a mall or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
within a
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
can lead to high expenses.
Consequently
, when competition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
lower large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
increases the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
gaining profits.
For instance
, business researchers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common strategy new business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
their profits to Zero if necessary to attract new customers where they wait for their competitors to close to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
gradually
.

In conclusion
, large
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
taking over the market, forcing retailers to close their businesses affect the economy in both increases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
and unemployment rates.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay would you prefer to spend time with a larger group of people or with of smaller group. Compare advantages of each group and which one do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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