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Would you like to live a long, calm life until 100 years old or would you prefer a shorter life but much more intense. Decide and explain your reasons. v.2

Would you like to live a long, calm life until 100 years old or would you prefer a shorter life but much more intense. Decide and explain your reasons. v. 2
There are many arguments about people's lifestyle. While many people believe that having a peaceful life and longevity may be a good choice, I would argue that quality of life counts. There are several reasons why life span and tranquility are preferable to many people. The primary reason is human curiosity about the future. People always want to know what will happen in the next 20 or 30 years. If people have children, they will want to live longer to see the personal development of your own kids. Additionally, the human's ability is different from one another, so not all people can tolerate the difficulties. It is justifiable to make sense of why many people want to live in this way. However, I would argue that leading a short but glorious life is much more meaningful. All humans just live once, so it is worth risking all they have. Individuals cannot gain any significant accomplishments if they do not experience harsh time or dangerous situations. Take myself for example; when I was broke, I learnt many more useful lessons than I had had before. Moreover, human expectancy does not matter if nothing happens. For example, John Lennon died at the age of 40, but his life was full of glory. His life is certainly much more significant than that life of people who live until 100 but have no spotlights. In conclusion, although a long, tranquil life is a dream of many people, I priotisize a shorter lifetime that is full of adventures.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
arguments about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lifestyle. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that having a peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and longevity may be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice, I would argue that quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
counts.

There are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span and tranquility are preferable to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The primary reason is human curiosity about the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
always want to know what will happen in the
next
20 or 30 years. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have children, they will want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the personal development of your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
kids.
Additionally
, the human's ability is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from one another,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can tolerate the difficulties. It is justifiable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sense of why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in this way.

However
, I would argue that leading a short
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
glorious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is much more meaningful. All humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
once,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is worth risking all they have. Individuals cannot gain any significant accomplishments if they do not experience harsh time or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations. Take myself
for example
; when I was broke, I
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more useful lessons than I had had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Moreover
, human expectancy does not matter if nothing happens.
For example
, John Lennon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
at the age of 40,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
was full of glory. His
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
certainly
much more significant than that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
until 100
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have no spotlights.

In conclusion
, although a long, tranquil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is a dream of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
priotisize
a shorter lifetime
that is
full of adventures.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Would you like to live a long, calm life until 100 years old or would you prefer a shorter life but much more intense. Decide and explain your reasons. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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