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Working for non profit organizations such as donations and free teaching should be encouraged among high school children. While some people support this idea, some are strongly against it. What are you in favor of? v.1

Working for non profit organizations such as donations and free teaching should be encouraged among high school children. While some people support this idea, some are strongly against it. What are you in favor of? v. 1
In a world where time is money and money is life, nonprofit organizations make a huge impact in the life of the poor and under-privileged. I strongly believe that working for nonprofit organizations, may it be in the form of donations, teaching or any other activity for that matter, should be encouraged amongst high school students. While are many individuals who do not support this idea, this essay evaluates both the viewpoints. One on hand, there is one group of people supporting free utilities provided to the ones not wealthy, and on the other hand, there are many who think that providing for free to the poverty-stricken shall encourage them to utilise these services without putting in hard work or efforts. They believe that survival comes with a price to pay. You are therefore expected to provide a minimal amount for the benefits you get. For example, if there is an individual providing low fee teaching at an academy, not only does he have the satisfaction of helping the poor, but the poor child also learns willingly because a quota of his meagre income goes into educating himself. This also adds a good experience to the life of the teacher. Especially if one is coming from a middle class family, where he or she does not have excess wealth, a balance between the fee charged would keep both happy. On the other hand, there are people who believe in the proverb service to man is service to God. These are the persons who choose to inculcate the values of humanity and empathy without expecting any returns. They strongly believe that it is in the years of teenage that a pupil observes and learns the art of giving to the society. For instance, if a gentleman on the road whom you don’t know asks you the way to a place that is at a two minute walking distance, there is one individual who would direct the man verbally and then there is the other who would walk him to the destination. The latter, definitely has a higher sense of satisfaction. Thereby, even an act of selflessness, is in reality selfish, because it gives you innate happiness. Having placed two contradictory views, I would like to conclude by stating that I believe that a kind act, without expecting returns (in this case, money) would definitely go a long way in helping the not wealthy. Therefore, these values should be imbibed in a person right through middle school and high school. May it be in the form of donations, free teachings or free service in any form.
In a world where time is money and money is life, nonprofit organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge impact in the life of the poor and under-privileged. I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that working for nonprofit organizations, may it be in the form of donations, teaching or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activity for that matter, should
be encouraged
amongst high school students. While are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not support this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, this essay evaluates both the viewpoints.

One on hand, there is one group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
utilities provided to the ones not wealthy, and on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that providing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
to the poverty-stricken shall encourage them to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
without putting in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work or efforts. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that survival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a price to pay. You are
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to provide a minimal amount for the benefits you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
For example
, if there is an individual providing low fee teaching at an academy, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does he have the satisfaction of helping the poor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the poor child
also
learns
willingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a quota of his
Possible spelling mistake. 'meagre' is British English.
meagre
income goes into educating himself. This
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
experience to the life of the teacher.
Especially
if one is coming from a middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
family, where he or she does not have excess wealth, a balance between the fee charged would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
both happy.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in the proverb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
to God. These are the persons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
choose to inculcate the values of humanity and empathy without expecting any returns. They
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is in the years of teenage that a pupil observes and learns the art of giving to the society.
For instance
, if a gentleman on the road whom you don’t know asks you the way to a place
that is
at a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "two-minute"
two minute
walking distance, there is one individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would direct the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
verbally
and then there is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would walk him to the destination. The latter, definitely has a higher sense of satisfaction. Thereby, even an act of selflessness, is in reality selfish,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives you innate happiness.

Having placed two contradictory views, I would like
to conclude
by stating that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that a kind act, without expecting returns (
in this case
, money) would definitely go a long way in helping the not wealthy.
Therefore
, these values should
be imbibed
in a person right through middle school and high school. May it be in the form of donations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
teachings or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
in any form.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Working for non profit organizations such as donations and free teaching should be encouraged among high school children. While some people support this idea, some are strongly against it. What are you in favor of? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
434 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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