Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. v.7

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement. v. 7
Although raising children was said to be the responsibility of women and working for a living was men’s business, I personally disagree with the statement and supposed that neither men nor woman has to consider childcarecare as a personal matter. On the one hand, the intent that women should completely concentrate on taking care of children has been fading for some reason. Firstly, it would be better for children if they have the education of father and mother because they have their own ways to educate their children. To be more precious, A survey about the roles of family in raising children showed that the mother often cares about their children's physical while the father teaches them about behaving ways. Secondly, the wife will become happier if she can share her responsibilities with her pattern. As an example, women have more free time for their favours to gain more qualifications for their career paths. Otherwise, men can have more time to understand their kids and tighten the relationship between them. On the other hand, It would be unfair to say women should work less to care for children. Firstly, there are a large variety of women who are senior managers in the areas of the employee when they pursue their life-work. This change brings more advantages than drawbacks due to the fact that possessing a job can help wives split the heavy burden with their husbands as well as avoid financially dependent on their spouse. Secondly, women contribute to the national budget. In other work, the more jobs they do, the more incoming taxes they pay for the government, which means the states can allocate the national budget that obtained from this type of tax for other urgent issues such as education, health care, and infrastructure. To conclude, It is essential that men and women share responsibility with each other because both genders have the same ability to raise children. Otherwise, women are allowed to pursue a career and work for a living.
Although raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
was said
to be the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and working for a living was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
business, I
personally
disagree with the statement and supposed that neither
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
nor woman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
consider
Possible spelling mistake found.
childcarecare
as a personal matter.

On the one hand, the intent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should completely concentrate on taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has been fading for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason.
Firstly
, it would be better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if they have the education of father and mother
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ways to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To be more precious, A survey about the roles of family in raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the mother
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cares
about their children's physical while the father teaches them about behaving ways.
Secondly
, the wife will become happier if she can share her responsibilities with her pattern. As an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have more free time for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
to gain more qualifications for their career paths.
Otherwise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
can have more time to understand their kids and tighten the relationship between them.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, It would be unfair to say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should work less to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, there are a large variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who are senior managers in the areas of the employee when they pursue their life-work. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
brings more advantages than drawbacks due to the fact that possessing a job can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
wives split the heavy burden with their husbands
as well
as avoid
financially
dependent on their spouse.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
contribute to the national budget. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
work, the more jobs they do, the more incoming taxes they pay for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, which means the states can allocate the national budget that obtained from this type of tax for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
urgent issues such as education, health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
, and infrastructure.

To conclude
, It is essential that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
share responsibility with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both genders have the same ability to raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Otherwise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to pursue a career and work for a living.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. with this statement. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts